The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As all of you know I live around alcoholics. One of them, K lies about everything all the time. I don't believe it is just the drinking and using, chaos, its every single thing she lies about. What I see now is the insanity. When the ex A lied about every little thing I spent years trying to work out what is going on. Admittedly I am far more removed from this woman's life than the ex A, nevertheless her actions do affect me in some ways. I know now I just think that I can't count on anything she says to be true so why talk much beyond pleasantries. I never got there with the ex A I used to scream, rant and rave and go ballistic trying to get him to be truthful. I never did of course and I put myself into a frenzy all the time. My people pleasing was far beyond trying to be kind to others it was all about control and a total lack of identity.
My people pleasing was far beyond trying to be kind to others it was all about control and a total lack of identity.
Maresie.
Great awareness Maresie. When I looked really deep, examined my motives and became honest, I too found that all my KINDNESS was about control and manipulation. Thank GOd fo the tools of alanon for it is here I learned how to be truly humble, compassionate, and kind without a hidden agenda.
One major step in my path to recovery was when some people arond me, without predjudice, told me either "I have trouble believing you", "you talk sh*t", or *you're full of sh*t". Boy, did they do me a favor. I never felt so hurt, rejected, shamed. But because they'd done me the favor of holding up a mirror, I was able to see what was really there. Program and 12 steps do the rest.
