this is my first thread on this site, and i decided to join this site for all the reasons you did, i suppose.
last month i married a brilliant man. he is funny, smart, tender and caring. he is also an alcoholic.
a year ago, i battled my own addiction of perscription drugs. i didnt join NA but i did go to a group that engaged behavioral therapy. DBT. even in that group i was using. so i decided to go as far away as i could from every supplier i had and i stayed with family who thought i was suffering from the worst flu ever. i became sober and still am today. it was hard. but i am proud to say i did it.

i then met my husband shortly after that. we were smitten from the start. i knew about his drinking, and in the beginning i even enjoyed the occasional drink. this past month though, he hasnt been able to get work, and it makes him feel powerless. so he drinks a few times a week and each time he drinks to black out and pass out. its not a fun thing for him anymore, its an escape. he signs out and i am left in this reality by myself until he wakes up. it makes me feel abandoned in those hours, like its ok for him to escape, but i have to stay here and deal with everything until he comes back, and even then when he awakens, his wanting of his next escape is always on his mind.

he stopped breathing one night due to vomiting in his sleep. i have never been so scared in my life. luckily i stay awake for a few hours to watch him and make sure that doesnt happen, but it did. i hit him in the chest, slapped his face, yelled at him to wake up and he did and he got his airway clear and began breathing again and passed out again. i stayed up all night just watching him breath.

last week he went out of town to do business, he promised not to buy beer. he was only supposed to be gone for 4-5 hours. he came home at around 10 pm, the smell of beer heavy on him. he said he drank with a friend and then waited to sober up before coming home. one thing i am thankful for is he never drives under the influence, but the smell stays for hours whether he is drunk or not, and if he got pulled over for anything that would have been it. it hurt me that he lied to me.

last night he had a few beers, and then decided, in his drunken stuper, to steal tequila from my parents cabinet. they've had that same bottle in there for 15 years, they dont drink, it was a gift and they kept it around for medicinal purposes...whatever that would be...he stole the bottle, drank alot of it and stuffed it in the back of my car. he promised me he wouldnt get into their cabinet and he broke that promise. then he lied to me about drinking it at all.

this was the first time he ever betrayed me in this manner and i was livid. i calmly let him pass out, watched over him as he slept, and this morning i told him i couldnt do it anymore. i told him that if he wanted help, i would fight along side him every step of the way. but if he decided that his drinking was something he didnt want to conquer, then i would have to leave because i was suffering beyond anything i ever could have imagined. after a huge fight full of excuses and angry hurtful words from his end, i told him that i loved him. i married him for the person he is. not the addiction. he claimed i didnt love him if i wanted him to change, that i knew he drank when i married him. i said, yes, i knew he drank. but i didnt fall in loe with his drinking, i fell in love with him. i told him i didnt want him to change his personality, his mind, or his soul, i wanted him to get better because he was sick and slowly killing himself. after all this, i sat on the bed with him and held him. we cried and finally he agreed that i was right. we needed to fight this so we can grow as a loving couple. i told him i will go to every meeting if he wanted me to. i even mentioned it could help me, even though i havent used, i could learn skills to make sure i will never use again.

he is scared and so am i. he may mess up and drink again, but that wont be a reason for me leaving him, as long as he never stops trying. this is alot for a newly wed couple to go through right off the bat. but if we can get through this, we can get through anything. and right now, at this very second, we are on the same page. and...it feels wonderful!  just to have that hope. its..great. and even though this will be one hell of a fight, we are doing it for us. for him. what better reason than for love, right?

so i would like to know how everyones experience was in the very beginning. what obsticles did you face at first, and what blessings. i want to get a good idea of what kind of stress triggers may befall us, so we can attack them head on.

im thankful for this site. while my husband has AA, i need this. i need a support system to help me through MY struggle. i never want to make his recovery all about me, so thats why i think seperating our types of support groups will be good.

anyway...yeah thats me. my name is dawna, im 27 years old and i am the luckiest woman alive to have this man as my husband. i do not judge him by his illness. we all get sick some way or another. and i will be his warrior and his comforter. thats a wifes job after all. =)

thanks for any advice and your stories. i love you guys, even though i dont know you, because we are all going through it together.