The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Wow - where to start. Trying to learn to live with the love I still have for AH. Been to a few f2f meetings but am still old/new and hanging on to the hope "he will get it" - but know he will (or won't) when he is ready. And, through it all, I keep floundering between taking care of myself and worrying about the AH, who waffles between lucidity and knowing there is a problem and the draw to the bottle (and the subsequent behavior). I suppose what I would like most now is to know that I am not alone . Thanks
Aloha dragonfly....Welcome to the board. You are knowledgable about when he decides and when he stops drinking and reaches out for help from other recovering peoples. It is your turn and it is okay to leave him alone and to attend to your own recovery. Of course once you take your focus off of him and turn him over you must follow thru...take your focus off of him and leave him be to the disease. He will not be alone. I believe that Higher Power is with everyone and your alcoholic so he will be in better care than you can provide. He needs to feel all the bangs, knocks and pain that alcoholism gives. Most often that is what motivates the alcoholic to go get help.
This disease is a fatal one. It cannot be cured; only arrested by total abstinence. It is progressive in that if the alcoholic doesn't seek help it will only get worse. They have three choices just as we do...sobriety, insanity or death.
Glad you are here...Keep coming back. (((((hugs)))))
I am new to and from the response to my post, I know this is a very good thing for me. You are doing the right things. I have just returned from a meeting with my counsellor and it feels so good. The wisdom I can share is - you can only work on you and he can only work on him. You can't do it for him. As much as you may love him, love yourself more - you won't do yourself any favours if you don't. When times were rough and I first started going to Al-Anon, I used to say, if I didn't care about me in my relationship - who would. It certainly isn't my AH - whether or not he knows it yet, the focus is his disease. And, it is pretty hard for others to like you or love you if you can't do that first. Keep talking, keep believing and let go and let God. I am no expert, I don't think I ever will be - but I do seek that calm that I see in others working the program. I know I will get there and I will be a wonderful living example for my daughters to follow as life throws them curve balls. Take care of yourself - you are worth it!
Welcome Dragonfly. Your statement "I keep floundering between taking care of myself and worrying about the AH," rings so true for me. It's all very well for well-meaning firneds to say "leave him, take care of yourself" but how do you stop worrying when you love (or did love) someone and have been with them for years? I too am relatively new to these boards but have taken great comfort from them and from the chat room from which I always emerge smiling no matter how down I am when I enter. You are in the right place and hope you find the same sense of not being alone as I have. (((((((hugs))))))))
you certainly are not alone. im new here too, and i just posted my first thread a few minutes ago. and although i havent received any replies yet, (lol its only been 4 minutes) i KNOW this is good for me. it will be for you too. use this site to the best of your advantage because its a god send.
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sticking feathers up your butt doesnt make you a chicken.
. Thanks
