The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yes, I still have times where that itty bitty cell phone of mine suddenly appears as cumbersome and un-welcoming as a gigantic stone monolith.
But I did it again - remembering what my sponsor tells me often... "When you're down or unhappy or angry, you need to do different than what you've been doing in the past." Growth requires change. Normally, when I'm any of those emotions, I end up stuffing them or going someplace to be alone and more often that not wallow in self-pity.
Last night I was really feeling awfully sad, crying my eyes out. And then I looked over and remembered I have a phone. I have a sponsor. It's time to make a phone call.
The interesting thing was my sponsor wasn't able to answer at the time. She wasn't able to get back with me until the following morning because she would have otherwise called me very very late.
But even that little action last night set me on the right course of starting to feel better. It opened up one little tiny gate in my mind that also allowed me to look at my situation differently. I read some good spiritual literature (Faith and Will by Julia Cameron - whom I've come to realize is a twelve-step member, although her publications aren't CAL). I came across something that made me see things differently, and I was able to resolve my feelings for the evening.
Most of all, I'm glad I picked up that phone, though... glad I remembered that I don't have to go this alone. Ever.
Aloha, I can really relate to your post. My struggle for yearss has been reaching out for help. I wouldn't allow myself to ask for help. The phone was just too heavy :).
With everything that I have going on I have no choice now, but to reach out for help. I can't do this alone.
I think it was a few weeks ago my sponsor was out of town and I tried to contact her, but couldn't. I left her a message and then when on about my night for a few nights. I to saw how just that little bit of change can help flip the switch on a new attitude.
Thanks for your post. I know you are not alone with having a heavy phone. And what a blessing it is when we step out of our bubble and pick up the lifeline that in reality weighs so little.
Yours in recvoery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
I hear ya - that's definitely a heavy phone and unfortunately I have yet to try to lift it up. There have been so many times (right now for instance) when I could really use someone to listen, but I just feel so stupid and feel like I'd be bothering someone, or that my problems aren't really Al-Anon related. I think most of all I feel like as soon as that person picks up the phone, I'll start crying (which I'm doing right now) and then I'll feel even more stupid and childish.
I don't have a sponsor yet, but I have a lot of people who keep telling me to give them a call if I ever need to talk. I know the help is out there, it's just not easy to use it.
So thank you for your post, I may re-read it when I'm getting up the courage to make that first phone call.
