The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband has been away at a treatment facility for 2 weeks and he has 2 weeks left to go.
I have anxiety and panic attacks, so I take Xanax (as needed) to keep my anxiety under control.
Since he's been gone, I've been taking it every day. I just seem to have so much anxiety these days and I can't stand it. At first I was doing somewhat OK - it felt good doing things on my own, having my alone time after putting my son to bed, and not having my husband around the house. But lately it just seems like I have so much anxiety being alone. I seem to be scared a lot - my recent worry is that I could get sick (flu) and who would take care of my son? I had a scratchy throat the other day and that's when the anxiety started. Then today I'm feeling a little sick to my stomach (which could be from any number of things). Of course it doesn't help that there are a ton of swine flu stories floating around the internet and the newspapers. I usually don't even bother to read the stories, but you can't help seeing the headlines.
I guess I'm just looking for a little bit of serenity here. I want to know that no matter what happens, my son and I will be fine.
A wise friend once told me that in times when I feel I am overwhelmed with stress, it means I need more support. Reaching out and asking for help has been so hard for me, but it's been a life-saver. I have a chronic illness and have been a single mom since my AH (now ex) proved he couldn't be trusted with the care of our son. I've certainly had the flu while taking care of him on my own, as well as who knows how many other illnesses. It's not the easiest thing in the world, especially because you feel so rotten. It helps a lot to stock up on flu medicine, soups and things you can eat without cooking, and so forth. If your son is the right age, DVDs are useful to keep him happy. It's not a walk in the park, but it's do-able all right. If you have friends or neighbors to help out, that's even better, but I've done it without.
Part of the equation is not just the problem of getting sick, but the fear of getting sick. That feeling of "I'm not enough to handle life on my own." Once I realized I was, I felt incredibly free. That was an unexpected bonus from the school of hard knocks. When I realized I could handle whatever came my way, I didn't need my A to keep things going, and I could choose to have him involved only as much as was sane and comfortable. That made life so much more peaceful. Wishing peace to you, too.
Change, good or bad is stressful. And fear is paralizing to all of us. The best thing I can do these days with everyone getting that flu is to take good care of myself. Eat right and try to get sleep. Its possible I will get sick anyway, but as you said ... the anxiety of all the negative possibilities can absolutely take your breath away.
Staying in the moment and doing what I can do right now is how I try to run.
Keeping you and yours in my prayers... *smile*
Take care of you! - ron
-- Edited by rtexas on Monday 19th of October 2009 03:47:29 PM
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Aloha Mom...That's a terrible place to be. Been there and done that and getting the feedback and support that others have offered here is what worked for me also. I'm grateful to have gotten it. My early sponsor use to tell me when I use to do all that "What iffing" if you want balance in your recovery you also have to do the "What if not thing also." He also asked me to inventory all the bad things in my past that I was afraid was going to happen to me and count how many came to pass. Humbling..never got past zero and the stuff that did happen to me that I wasn't what iffing on at the time I survived very well thank you. (((((hugs)))))