When I joined a 12-step program 19 years ago, it was ACOA, and it was on the suggestion of a friend. I am not the adult child of an alcoholic, but I drug my co-dependant boyfriend there, who was an ACOA. This was the first sign of my dysfunction. That program did help me as it showed me a lot of my codependent ways and got me involved in a CoDa group, which I am no longer involved with today.

But this is my al-anon story, so we will start with what brought me to al-anon. It was a realization that I was doing too much comisserating and acting out codependent characteristics with my boyfriend in ACOA, that I realized I wanted to get into a program that addressed my "real" issues, marrying alcoholics.

I had already been married to two alcoholics by Oct. 1991 and I was surrounded by alcoholic bosses, an alcoholic father-in-law (I ended up marring the boyfriend whose father was an alcoholic.) My life was totally unmanageable. I was trying to contol all these alcoholics around me, including my boss, and it wasn't working. I even tried running from the alcoholic boss into another job and I found that I couldn't run from myself. I needed to stand my ground and face MY problems and concentrate on my shortcomings and work on my character defects, not those of my alcoholic.

During the time of my inital joining of al-anon, I knew I needed a sponsor, asap. I observed the sharings diligently during that first meeting and walked up to a lady that caught my attention that first night and asked her to be my sponsor. Although I don't necessarily recommend this approach (getting to know them over a period of time is better) my HP new I would be needing a sponsor soon. So he placed me in the very capable hands of my first sponsor.

It was only a few months before my husband that had been effected by his alcoholic father's drinking went into a self-destructive mode and bashed his head into a wall and broke the door. My sponsor never told me what to do or "advised" me to leave or to stay, just walked me through it.

Many years later this husband went through a total breakdown from the abuse at the hand of his alcoholic father and I had to find a safe house the police said. My sponsor and her husband, who was an ol'timer in AA provided me with a place to stay at their lake house where my husband didn't know where it was at. That was a Godsend. I can't say enough good things about my sponsor and her husband that my HP picked out for me at that time.

It took me many years and many heartaches to lean that I had to "work" my program in order to reap the benefits from it. I could attend meetings, do service work, go to conferences, but if I didn't do the steps and work on my own 4th step inventory, I was just spinning my wheels.

I have a new sponosr now. She is a replacement for my old sponsor, since her husband died and she moved out of the area. I still contact her from time to time, but I needed a sponsor close to me to talk to and have coffee with. My new sponsor and I have been working the Blueprint for Progress Fourth Step Inventory book for "real" this time! I had started it before with my old sponsor, but the task just seemed too overwhelming at the time. I guess in all things it's progress not perfection.

I have been in 4 marriages where the consumption of alcohol made my life unmanageable. In all 4 marriages (even if it was in retrospect) I have been able to apply the principles of the program and work through my issues. It has been a long and arduous road. My HP, sponsor, and my program friends have seen me through it all.

In 1994, I got cancer, and I had relocated to a new home group in Columbia, MO from my original home group. I was amazed at the support that I received from my original home group, as well as my new home group and my sponsor there. It was my sponsor in Columbia (a third sponsor by the way) that drove me to my cancer treatments and drove me home.

I can not tell you enough about how al-anon has positively effected my life, from support during the crisis moments that the alcoholic stirred up, to the natural crisis that come up in life (cancer). This has truely become my second family. My family of choice.

Thanks al-anon for being here and thanks MIP for being another added demention to my healing. I joined MIP in 2003 when my 3rd ex-husband was having problems with pornography and I decided to use the computer for something positive instead of something negative. I have never regretted that choice.

Thanks for letting me share my story with you. Hope it has offered some e,s, & h.

Overcome