The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
And double Wow!!...What the hell!! Cunning Powerful and Baffling...sometimes just doesn't do the discription any justice. Having lots of time in program doesn't mean I'm cured. So my morning meeting was in full swing and going great. The sharing was right on and we discussing relapse and I found myself looking outside of the meeting because we all can do that...there are no walls to that meeting and there she was, outside the meeting, laughing, joking, talking, cute as any alcoholic can look who needs someone to save her. "What the hell are you doing"? I asked myself and brought my attention back into the room. She changed her position and moved and I found her inside of my vision again and I shook myself and got back into the meeting again after listening to some very very old thoughts I uses to have before meeting the alcoholic I eventually married. Al-Anon has trained me well along with the warning that there are no guarantees and that the only defense I would have is the program. I am a dual member so I was not in my family group meeting...doesn't matter cause it works when you work it. And then the time ran out and the meeting closed and I was getting ready to leave only there was someone in my path and I was listening to all the words and phrases I got hooked into in the past and I felt the hook starting to slide into position. "I cannot believe I am going thru this again at this time and that I'm not running out of the area shouting for help. I find my self going over old awarenesses that are being duplicated the problem and the solution and for my sake and her sake I'm hanging with the solution side. Recent relapse, looked for sponsor but am having difficulty with finding a woman sponsor could I be her sponsor? I need help, I don't know if I'm alcoholic...Been here before God. Been thru all of this before God. Been thru all of this before more than several times God. Why now?
Because the woman needs help and you know how to help her and how NOT TO help her. Do what works and don't do what doesn't, I'll be here with you both.
So here I am thinking about how my day has gone; what has happened and what hasn't. Got to a great meeting on "relapse" put myself into support of a couple of new comers. Got into alternate service. Came home and watched some football continued to finish a small rolling laundry cabinet for my wife and come home here to keep myself honest and teachable. It works when you work it and never never ever try to outrun your HP...it can't happen.
Hi Jerry Thank You for your insightful experience, strength and hope.
I agree, the lessons's my HP sends me often seems like repeats but they are not because I have changed and can respond differently.
Of coarse, I too must stay very close to program, and do a 10th step review at the end of each day. Just as you explained I need to make sure I am on track.
Have a special evening
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 18th of October 2009 11:28:05 PM
Your post reminds me that sometimes I forget how powerful this program and HP really are to me. Many times now the program or my HP catch me before I slip. Not all the time, but many times. For that I am garteful. They are both always there for you RLC just asking to let them help you, why do you forget sometimes? I'll answer my own question, because we are human. Progress not perfection. The little voice is always there reminding me to do the next right thing. Thank you program, and HP, and thank you Jerry for the reminder.
HUGS, RLC
P.S. Speaking of football, and progress not perfection, at this time my football team, unlike me, has perfection. The University of Alabama is 6-0, and ranked #2, Roll Tide.
Thanks, Jerry, for the reminder that for the program to work you need to work it. With complacency, all those sneaky little behaviors that result in big problems can surface. I've seen quite a bit of that lately myself.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
