The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been giving a lot of thought to a lot of things lately and in the process was asking myself why I'm so angry? Although I'm still not totally sure, I think it's because when he's not drinking I see the worst of him, he's miserable, he's disrespectful, has a bad temper and cuts me off when I try to say something to him. We are not on the same page and haven't been for quite some time. He has a problem communicating on a personal level. On the other hand those who drink with him see him happy in his drunken state, and I have to admit that while he's drinking he's even nicer to me at times when he decides to come into the house to get something. He parties in the garage. I've learned a long time ago not to push his buttons when he's drunk because he can become nasty.
Been there, seen that. Got to the point that I couldn't stand him high or straight... Straight but wanting to use is the worst. Dry drunk. Bleech.
Guess what?I don't need to stay there for the show. What I permit, I promote. Don't let his disease treat me badly. I go somewhere. Or just leave the room.
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In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
Thank you for understanding but even though I'm not in the same building with him partying, I sit and fester inside the house because he has his music on so loud, I worry what the neighbours are thinking. Sometimes I worry that he won't shut the heater off in the garage when he goes in and catches the garage and house on fire.
-- Edited by dori711 on Friday 16th of October 2009 03:34:54 PM
Dori, I went through those feelings for a while, too. However, my AH being sober is soooooo much better for both of us. He is going to AA meetings and really working his program. I found out that I had to work on myself. Your post is mostly about him.... what can you do for yourself? Take care. ((()))
I'm glad your husband is sober and things are better for you. Right now I just can't see my husband any way other than miserable. If he quit drinking today he would be twice as miserable. Right now I'm as miserable as he is, guess we belong together cause misery loves company..
You also have this family and all the time in the world to work on yourself. You have explained a normal alcoholic situation that doesn't have to control your life.
Dori, Worrying what the neighbors are thinking isn't gonna help you in the slightest. We say in Al-anon what someone else thinks of me is none of my business. And it is hard to let go, but once you embarace that it is so freeing.
I have learend that when my hub was off in his own disease that I needed to be doign things for me. I can't change him, and I can change me and I was doen letting his disease drag me down.
I hope you find a way to take care of you.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
You also have this family and all the time in the world to work on yourself. You have explained a normal alcoholic situation that doesn't have to control your life.
(((((hugs)))))
Ah....that is so sweet when you say I also have you all as family. Thank you for all your support and advice. I appreciate it.
HI, I'm in the exact same situation and was also relieved to hear this is a "normal" alanon situation. There IS hope I guess. I like the idea of getting away but it still hurts SO much when he "hates" me and is miserable.
