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My AS is on a binge this week, my nerves are frayed.
We live in a small town and he lives too close to our family for us not to be caught up in his drama. He is always at my back door for a hand out, I give him what he needs just to get by on. He will plead and beg until I have no strength left to say no. It is getting to the point that I don't even want to open the door to him.
Because we do live in a small town there are not many resources for his needs if I completely cut him off ( no homeless shelter here or food kitchens) I am afraid what might happen to him if I turn him away. Does any of this sound familiar?
The small area we live in and the people that I used to enjoy meeting in Wal Mart or in a restaurant, I avoid now as much as I can, because I know the question will always come up "And how is your son doing", "Is he working anywhere"?
Our AS never misses a way to stick it to us when it comes to tearing down any respect we may have had in times past. He has now telling people that when my mother passed away two years ago, he was the only one with her and that she died in his arms. Which is a lie, but it makes him look good and us like cruel uncaring people. My sister and I took very good care of our mother during her many illnesses.
This latest attack has left me with really no hope, there are storms we cannot weather.
Personally, I have never had to deal with what you are going through, but my heart goes out to you and your family. This disease is sooooo horrifying in so many ways.
Please take care of you! I gotcha in my prayers:)
Shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
The ex A who I was with often did the blaming me number. He got a good audience for a while. I do think people see through it after a time. I also know it is classic alcoholic to be complaining and bemoaning your lot while at the same time doing nothing to change things.
Detachment is so so key for dealing with this.
I highly recommend you look at ways to do it. I have to practice day in and day out.
Awful stuff, my a brother stayed with me for eight months and then made out that he didnt, though I fed and looked after him for all that time, I too had many embarrassing situations, where he literally reeked of alcohol, try to remember that you did not cause it, can't cure it, or control it, and it does no good for you to isolate yourself as people know the story, and it frequently doesn't reflect as well on the a as they think it should, he is a sick person who needs to get well, take care,
Aloha Dreams...Might want to hand him the meeting schedule of the local AA meetings along with anything else you put in his hands. What he gets at a meeting of alcoholics anonymous can save his life for a long period of time.
Dreams, Now I will not pretend for one minute to know what you are going through as my "A" is my husband.
But, in Al-anon I have learned that no is a complete sentence. And that helping my "A" by doign thigs for him that he should be doing for himself is not allowing him to hit his bottom.
Please keep the focus on you and take care of you.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
