The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I wanted to share part of a conversation that my son and I had.
A little background...growing up my son rarely saw his father sober. My A would hit the bar before he came home from work and leave fairly early on weekends to do the same. (now sober almost 4 yrs.) My son is 19, leaving lots of years to build resentments. Since he has been sober, my husband has been working in Alaska, not leaving much time for mending fences, though A has tried his best. Last year A and son went to his cabin in upper Michigan and were together for a week for the first time in my sons life.
The other day my son and I were having a conversation about one of his friends who's Dad is an alcoholic. The friend is acting out and getting in trouble. I mentioned that he probably has a lot of resentments. As the conversation continued I asked if my son if he still carried resentments toward his Dad. His answer was "Are you kiddin me? Dad's my HERO!!" What a belessing that statement was!!
When I had the nightly phone call with my husband, I told him about the conversation. He went quiet for a very long time. When he did speak, his voice wavering, he said "I don't have words right now". I sensed he needed to sit with what I had told him and we said our goodbyes.
I just wanted to share with those that have children and have opted to stay in the relationship, that years of resentments can be healed. My only part in this (if any) was always assuring my son that his Dad loved him very much, I drove home that it was the disease that swayed Dad's choices and shared my program as much as possible.. Perhaps having that knowledge made it easier for my son to turn his "hurt in to Hero."
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Aloha Christy...That is a recovery event, story, outcome, reality. Regardless of whatever is happening in your life or not happening in your life program brings the membership into grace. What a zinger that was to your alcoholic. I wonder if he ever had that kind of reaction because of a drink. "I don't have words right now"...The mind cannot describe pictures that only the heart can see.
Don't you just love those spiritual awarenesses? (((((hugs)))))
Maria wishes you had warned me to get the damn tissues out (((myChristy))).
I had a lump in my throat and can just imagine how OurSpark felt.
Sometimes I think, my kids are grown and independent right, it's ok for Mom to have/get a life right and yet it doesn't seem to matter how old our kids are, they need/love their Dads and Moms and it's so important that we maintain our lives in theirs.
Give Spark a big ole hug for me! love ya, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Wow... that is really powerful.... I found myself experiencing a couple of different emotions when I read that one.... First, I got teary eyed because of the really cool and deep change that showed, both from your son and your A.... a true testament that things "can and will get better" once the drinking stops.... Second, a tiny bit of resentment creeped in - almost like a "how dare he make him his hero", as once in awhile, I still sit at my pity party, wanting everyone to support ME and all I went through, rather than seemingly always supporting the recovered A.....
I know, intellectually, that he's not choosing "him over you", but I found it interesting that I truly experienced emotions from both sides of the spectrum...
Bottom line, is I'm thrilled for you, your son, and your hubby.... Awesome stuff
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
That is such a great share... and what a blessing for you all to be in that place with each other. You see, I was in your son's shoes just a couple of years older than him at the time. My father was pretty much steadily drunk the whole time I lived at home.
My image of a father/husband was a grouchy overworked guy who didn't have much time (or use) for anyone else in the family. After legal issues came up for him, he quit drinking for real when I was a freshman in college. I wasn't there often, but every time I talked with him, i noticed he was changing.
A couple of years later I moved back closer to home and now 25 years later, my Dad is my hero too.
He beat huge odds like your Husband, he was one of the lucky ones and so was I, because now I can see what a good guy/father/husband he really is.
A true blessing for all of you. I hope one day my son can say that about my ex-wife, but to be honest the odds are not in her favor. I can still hope for thier sake.
Love and blessings to you and yours ...
Take care of you!
-Ron
[note to self... don't read Christy's posts at work anymore... bad for my manly image to tear up at my computer... *smile* ]
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
