He is currently sleeping off his vacation from home. - Al-Anon Family Group

tryingtofindaway2009 · Member

He is currently sleeping off his vacation from home.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

tryingtofindaway2009 wrote:

. he tells me that he loves me and that i'm the only thing to light up his darkness and thanks me for staying in the darkness with him... he calls it the devils drug.... but he loves it and can't seem to break away.
i just want the one i love to come back.

Hi Tryingtofindaway

I was struck by the above quote because before alanon I believed I should be the person to bring light into the alcoholic darkness and to stay there in the darknesss with him.

Alanon taught me that the alcoholic darkness could not be changed by me and that my staying in the darkness was just draining my light from me with no constructive life being lived.

The 3 Cs are important to remember here and I needed to start taking care of myself.

Getting to meetings, focusing on myself, Living one day at a time sharing. I started to live in the light and invited the alcoholic to join me in the light.

PLease keep coming back

-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 12th of October 2009 05:00:04 PM

Mandy123 · ~*Service Worker*~

Trying,
I just recently stopped hoping that the man I lvoe will come back to me and the person he is now will go away. MY hub and I have been together 12 years. Out of those 12 years he has had a few times worked a program. at one point he had 18 months clean, but that ended over 6 years ago and he has not once even wanted to go back to recovery in that 6 years.

I love the man he was. I want that man back, but I am not going to get him back right now and nothing I say or do will change that. HE has to want it.

THis is a difficult thing to walk away. To let him go. I know he takes better care of himself when he has to be around the kids and I. Meaning he uses different drugs. I am terrified of what he will do to himself, but I have to remind myself that it is what he is doing= his choices not mine.

Keep coming back. Remember to take care of you.

Yours in recovery,
Mandy

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

If you mean Vancouver BC there are tons of them in the city . here is a phone number for info 604-688-1716
web page for info on meetings www.bcyukon-al-anon.org
I live in Abbotsford . Louise

carolinagirl · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi, I read this post and had to go back and read your older posts. When I saw this I thought you were a mother talking about her son. Just an observation. Not trying to be mean or anything but I thought it was worth pointing out.

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

trying,
he tells me that he loves me and that i'm the only thing to light up his darkness and thanks me for staying in the darkness with him.

I believe this is a manipulation on his part to keep you where you are. It's much harder to do anything when someone is laying a guilt trip on you.
We end up going just as deep in to that darkness as the alcoholic, all the while we are blind to actually "helping" the disease survive. That darkness=disease. You can see how sick that statement is if you would think of it as cancer. We would never thank someone for getting it for or with us. Offering to do so makes us just as sick.

You will never hear an alcoholic say they got sober because someone coddled them in to health. I'm not saying that's what you are doing, just making the point that HE must want to get sober. There's nothing I ever did or said that stopped my husband from drinking. If it were that easy we'd have all said or done it loooong ago.

Alanon can help YOU be healthy, give you the tools to deal with your situation and the experience, strength and hope of many to help you along your way.

Christy

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