The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well the weekend started out great. Made my F2F Friday and it was amazing.....HP spoke to me again and I left with all the empty spots filling full:)
Had my date Sat night and it went well also. This guy is sooo very different...I'm guessing probally because he doesn't have an alcohol or drug addiction:) I'm not sure how to be with someone like this. I don't feel like myself at times, which I'm not sure is a bad thing. I am usually outgoing, talkative, and just "out there".....to the point that sometimes I feel like I am the entertainment when I go places, and with this guy there is a calmness. He is calm, not loud, just easy going, etc and peaceful. He laughs and jokes but isn't super outgoing, like I've always felt I had to be. Though I look forward to our dates, and the times we talk, there is no urgency, no obsession, no fireworks going off, and I don't know how to be with someone without all the "crazy obessive stuff"-does that make any sense at all? I'm not sure how to be with someone like this, but on the same note, I enjoy it, the calmness, the quiet, just being with someone without having to fill every second with words, etc. It's different doing something this slowly and that being my intention......to keep it moving very slowly, and just enjoying getting to know someone without caring where it will go or if it goes anywhere. My happiness is not tied to this man and will never be tied to another person again.
Sunday my son and I hiked around Lake Habeeb and took many Fall picts, then went to Dan's Rock overlook and took some more breathtaking shots...We had breakfast with my neice and her boyfriend, and it was a good family kind of day.
I don't know if it was the hike that triggered it (exabf and I did the same hike last year) or the date with the guy who is the complete opposite of exabf and my insecurities as to how to relate to a "normal" but somewhere in the midst of it all, I decided to stick my hand on the hot stove and go check out the exabf's my space page!!!!!UGH!!!
There wasn't really much there at all. No new friends, nothing new, but it was what wasn't there that got my mind realing. He hasn't been online in two days-ALL WEEKEND, and he works Sundays! He checks his account daily and has since I've known him, OTHER THAN when he was seeing me and spending the weekends with me-then he wouldn't check it while he was with me....Sooooo you can see where I went with this.......I remembered back in the Spring when we were trying again and he told me we had another wedding to go to in October and now he is gone all weekend, etc...........The obsessiveness went crazy and I find myself being pulled back into the insanity of my illness. I'm dating and moving on, he has that right too, I know this. EVERY time I find myself trying to figure out where he could be, or who he could be with, etc........I TRY to use the tools........"it's none of your business girl" "Let go" "this to shall pass", but it is only working for a little bit and then the thoughts start racing again all back over to who is is seeing now, where is he, etc??????
I'm really struggling today, and I know it is no one's fault but my own.........WHY did I think I could go back and stick my hand on the hot stove AGAIN?????? How many times will it take before I learn????
Any ESH would be greatly appreciated, as always. Shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
I didn't speak to or have any contact with the ex A one day at a time. I'm up to almost a year now. I made a huge point of it. I do not see any of his friends (who were once my friends). I do not look him up online (there are sites that list addresses). I do not do this one day at a time. After a while it gets much much easier.
Aloha Shelly...That immediately triggered "Doing the same things over and over again expecting different results" the definition of insanity; along with "this disease runs in circles. If we do not stop at some point and try to move off in another direction we find our self back at the same place as before and often sooner than later until we are completely trapped in it. Hard to watch and read about. (((((hugs)))))
People, places, things, all triggers for those with addictions. Going on the hike brought back some memories, probably triggerd something in you, then even without you knowing that starts you on an old familiar path. Dont worry Shelly you had a slip, thats ok learn from it and start again. It truly is one day at a time for us codies. I recently had a little relapse and logged on to facebook, wont be doing that again, for me the slightest bit of info can have me obsessing. Just for today Shelly thats what I tell myself, I can manage just for today.
Learning how to live life again is difficult - "UNlearning" old ways of living for me was even MORE difficult.
Maybe you could consider "unfriending" your ex on myspace, deleting him from your contacts, etc. maybe that could do for you what you have been unable to do for yourself?
Just a suggestion - you will know when you are ready
It took me a while - and some days I do better than others - I just got to a point that I DIDN'T want to know what my ex was doing - good bad or ugly -
I want to be Happy, Joyous and Free - having those thoughts in my head can't help me on that path.
Just my e, s, & h, HUGS to you, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I got nothing, I'm doing the same thing. Two peas in the pod we are!!! I am following my obsessive craziness with my ex and just rolling with it. I am also trying to move on at the same time. Had a date, also calm and quiet and it was WEIRD! I like synergy, that obsessive overwhelming I"M IN LOVE feeling... I don't know how to do "normal" or slow either. It feels so wrong and like they don't really CARE and and and... But yet at the same time when I have someone hounding me to go out I feel like "there's something WRONG with them" or "they have no life, nothing going on"... BALANCE is SO hard to find! I know this probably isn't very helpful but at leat you know you're not alone. I'm not even going to tell you what I'm doing with myspace. LOL Maybe in a pm. I guess if it helps you to get past it then go for it. I believe what I'm doing will help me get past it in some way...get over him...get closure...maybe I'm just lying to myself saying the stove is cool when I know it's still hot. I could be completely wrong and it could have the exact opposite effect and keep me tied in. It takes what it takes I guess and only you know what that is just like only I know for me and apparently I'm not ready to be finished yet. It is a decision to be made
