The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It makes me sad that people of the world believe love is one thing. There are many kinds of love, intimate love, friend love,dog love, etc.
I asked to have my posts deleted but was denied. Sorry I shared this. Was so happy to have a true friend finally after losing mine.
Am actually very unhappy that people tend to think of what I shared as dirty or not program, that it is wrong.
Do you honestly believe we cannot love someone elses spouse? I love my friend of 40 years, husband. He loves me. I love all my friends husbands and they do me. I call them to talk, they call me if they have a question about animals or whatever I know that they don't. They are my friends.
I love him as a friend. My son wants to go there for my "friend that I love" to show him his good fishing areas.
I would always have a chaperone whether I was interested in the opposite sex or not.
Would not matter if he was female at all. The sponsoring was never set up. It came natural as a friend.
I thank God for him, have been blessed. My family is dead, my close friends I can tell things to are dead. My first spouse is dead, my now AH is very brain damaged.
Daughter lives far away, son works a lot and is gone every week end. I don't share with either of them as they get upset when I am upset.
I don't know about anyone else, but I need a person in my life I can call or write and cry about the pain I feel when this arthritis is so bad. Or when something horribly embarrassing happens.
All my friends are professionals, they have their own lives. I have always been the emotional one. The friends who were more like me, who were more into feelings, and related are dead.
I will not allow anyone make our friendship dirty or wrong.
I hate being misunderstood, it is one of my serious irritations. Is it that I am from a different generation? I grew up in the 60's. We love each other, we hug, we express feelings. We help each other. A friend is a friend, period.
When I went to Cal to visit a friend,I went with my daughter, my girlfriend had my husband and the baby over for dinner whileI was gone. I did not think anything of it.If I cannot trust my spouse, I sure don't want to be married to him.
I thought about him when I saw my AH the first time, because I realized how much integrity he has, never would cheat on his wife, has things to say, has opinions, is available if I need advice and I am for him.Does not lie. Reminded me there are men who have morals, are thoughtful, are not afriad to say how they feel. I don't care if I never meet him, I would rather have our relationship the way it is, and enjoy his grandbaby pictures,get asked how to cook something, etc. than have a life with no contact with such a special person.
We are so much alike we could have been raised in the same home.I consider him like a cousin.
It is getting so this does not feel like home anymore. Been beat up here too much.
I went reading back your last couple of posts to see where the misunderstanding of you relationship with this friend you mention who happens to be married and a man. Please read your own words. "Now found myself in love with someone who I have been emialing and talking to for 9 years. Him too. He lives in a different state, he is married to a sick using A. Like me he sticks to his vows. Though is frustrated becuz he wants a wife. He is a good man.
three times now. insanity. I pray to hp for a mate. this crap happens. am I being told to be ok with aloness? I still love him very much and our friendship is great. I will be ok. always am.
I have sooo much to be thankful for. Never been so alone in my whole life. BUT again, he is my best friend, confidant and more. he tells me the same thing. Glad he is far away or we would get ourselves into trouble.
I so don't want to grow old and be alone physically."
No one is judging you. No one is saying you can't have a male friend who happens to be married. But you said your are "in love" with him...and that you are "glad he is far away or we would get ourselves into trouble".
My friend, I think people are reading your words...and responding to them from what they understand you to be saying. If you know what you said is not said in the right way, or being misunderstood, do not take the responses as someone attacking you, but that someone is trying to offer their es&h to you, even if it is based on a misunderstanding. If it is not applicable, disgard it.
No one here has the power to make your friendship with someone else be dirty or wrong.
You are much loved here my friend, that is why people take the time to reply to your posts. Because we care about you as a member of our family.
You are special. I can't tell you the times I have read your tales of life at Eden and come away feeling lightened by the humor and good feelings. I am glad that you are part of my family.
I agree, with you. I do have feelings for him, I am in love with my Ah, my kids, my dogs etc. I found that I really loved him and he me. Was not just a cyber friendship. It changed things in a way. Is more real. In a way it scared me. But over time since all this hit me, I have been able to figure out what it really is.
Wish I would not even posted. I was still too confused and basically out of sorts. If she did leave and he married again, would not bother me one bit. I want my loved ones happy.
It is the kind of love, that does not go away, like how you feel about your mother, or gpa.
I have other men who I still love very much, supported them when they got married, just wanted them happy.
It is me not being clear. I get so frustrated with that. I do feel close to him, and that is what would make me take my son.
It does not mean I would ever compromise anything. I would be afraid of getting into trouble becuz I have gone with out love for so long, I could get all mixed up. Again, chaperone.
I am still mixed up, taking everyones words very seriously.
since 2000 and years later, everyone has been dieing. Sometimes it is so hard for me to know what I am feeling. I do know at this point, we are what we are and I would do nothing to compromise either of us in our creators eyes.
When the past happened here and was taken off mod for nothing I did, I have felt different about being here. I do not feel safe. I believe I allowed that to cloud my head. When people were just offering "their esh"
Thank you David, you put it so lovingly, I get it. Love,debilyn
(((Debilyn))), I am sorry that you feel as if you have been attacked.
I truly love David's response to your post.
In my response to your post about your friendship with the man I didn't even go there. Sure I have my own opinions on the sitatuion, but right now I do not feel I can say what I want to say and have it come out the way I intend, so I just didn't go there.
I went with the need versus want and it was just my perspective on the situation. I can only speak for me an my expereinces and this is why I love this forum no much as I can see another person's point of view and marinate on it a bit.
I tried to PM you and it said you were deleted. I hope you come back.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
__________________
"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
