The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been having a hard time again with my brand new wife.
she is in recovery; she's been in it for years, but she still has issues and emotional problems.
A relative of hers just passed away and I've been there for her a lot.
The other night, I was up with her because she was having a nervous reaction to her bereavement; she was laughing for an hour straight and kept saying, "Data, make it stop! Data, make it stop!"
I kept telling her to stop laughing and tell me what was really going on. All the time, I was rocking her in my arms. She quieted down and started crying. "Ohhhh, my auntie's dead." Finally she fell asleep.
My thought was, she is not using the pain away. She is facing it, and letting it out. A's tend to have crises and use more and more to dull the pain. They don't learn anything, they don't mature.
You love her so much, nice to read. (o: One day at a time. Grieving is very, very, hard work.
I always tell people it won't always be like this. Sometimes when we hurt that much, that is all we think about.
Thank you for sharing. You are in the right place. Alanon can help you. Please look for face to face meeitngs in your area. Come here to chat, atttend online meetings, pick up some literature and read all you can aboutt he tools of alanon. You can find peace and happiness even as you comfort your wife.
Aloha Dane...That is an awesome picture you painted. I feel sad with you. It reminded me of the dysfunction that comes within the disease and how very powerless I have been over it. I suggest that you and your new wife have access to professional help besides the programs. In support (((((hugs)))))
You know, I think it's really nice what you did for your wife - you were there just as a presence of comfort.
I can't tell you how nice it is to be able to have someone to just be there without chattering all sorts of advice at me when I go through my pain. My husband is not capable of such actions. Because of his disease and his upbringing in the disease, doing things like just sitting quietly in the presence of someone's grief is pretty much impossible for him. He either gets mad and criticizes or blabbers out inappropriate suggestions or sometimes removes himself completely.
She is facing her pain and working through it, and you're doing a fantastic job of just being present. So long as you don't feel any sort of resentment or have alarm bells going off in your head where you feel like you're trying to control her, I think what you did was just be a good friend.
