The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A and I were married 26 years. The last 7 alcohol became a problem. We were officially divorced in August. I planned to move out of state, he has begged me to stay. He says he can't do this without me. I gave him 30 days. I told him that I would tell it like it was. I'm not glossing over anything anymore. I was concerned about him and the relationship he has with our sons. About 3 weeks ago I told him alcohol would kill him. I also said, "everybody has a bottom, how much more are you willing to lose before you find yours?" I plan to continue this tough love approach.
Aloha Coddingl...Tough love is the only kind of love to have with an alcoholic. That is the same kind of love their HP has for them. Tough and unconditional. When everyone else is driven off by the disease HP is still there. Thank God!! He must do it without you and without it being for you. He must do it for himself and with a Higher Power greater than you and anything/one else. I pray he stops and cries out for help for his own sake.
You are in the right place. Please keep coming back and try to attend alanon face to face metings in your local area. They can be found by calling the telephone number listed in the white pages of the telephone directory.
You sound strong and the alanon tools and meetings will provide the love and support you deserve.
Thank you for your posts, Jerry & Hotrod. I hope my A does this for himself too. I went through this as a teen with my dad. I've been to local Alanon meetings but quit about a year ago. I find the books very helpful. The meetings were so,so.
I'm working on staying strong and not having expectations of him. So, far he has started out more than. I'm still planning on moving around Thanksgiving. It will be hard to live in two worlds.
Wow!! did that one have an affect on you. Just to relate some experience of mine. I have always found the meetings great to just lean on because I am so powerless. When I am left to myself I am left to less than a lot of times and need the ESH of others who know exactly what is going on.
I too get a lot out of my books but they are not the same as the hugs I get at the end of a meeting from someone who understands what I am experiencing. My partner has been ober for 5 months I tried everything to get him into AA. But none of it worked like you I ended it and he did it for himself. He has told me he sees many people in meetings who go to keep their families happy most of these drink again. I pray your ex goes for him ans I agree with jerry tough love is the best with an alocoholic. Today I live my life, I dont listen to promises actions speak louder.
26 years is a long long time, try and remember that love has nothing to to with addiction.....I was married for 22 yrs to an addict as well...unfortunately he did not beat the disease the disease took his life.
Tough love is the right response as Jerry said, just try and remember this does not mean he doesn't love you. I really and truly believe that some don't have a choice and will continue to drink no matter what.
He has gone to AA that is amazing....now you get to alanon and you will feel amazing.
I can relate to your situation, my high school sweet heart has been struggling with addiction for over 5 years. I finally said no more and he relapsed again and begged me to stay... and I'm here. What i've learned in my very short time with this site is they have to want it and with any addict is they can only want it themselves i've threatened to leave many times in which i haven't been able to follow through. Be strong and follow/protect your heart. I'm happy to hear that you sticking to tough love even though it can hurt at times.
than