Everything is ok with my friend who I am very close to. We continued to communicate, what he said reassured me and made me see how much he does love and care for me.

Yesterday I went to see my AH in the big house. For you that do not know, he left in 2002 permanently. lived off this woman who allowed it. Was so drunk, drugged on heroin and or whatever he could find, that he was horribly mean to me if I went over there. I knew it was the disease, was not really upset much by it.

He got another dui and the other car had a person who went to the hospital but was fine. BUT he got a felony dui!

Saved his life. He was real close to death the day  he went in. The put him in a padded room as he detoxed and stopped being insane. serioiusly.

The last two times I saw him in the big house, a correctional Institution, he was arrogant, cold, hard to get emotion out of. I really knew the man I married was gone.

I have not gone to see him in weeks. Well first after driving up there, I could not go in as I forgot and wore jeans...the prisoners wear jeans.

So had to drive back to the city to get slacks. Thank Hp I actually got my size and they fit when I got back and changed in my car....shock, women will get that....

Anyway I was late, he was out in the  yard so he was late. He looks great. Blew me away. He always wore a 31 levi, he is at 34! They put him on vitamins, check his blood all the time, and he is getting a cat scan to see if the cancer has spread.

When I saw him I knew it was HIM. I am not kidding!! I said," Where is that arrogant cold guy who was in your body????" He grinned and said they raised his anti depressant and the med for his migraines is working!

Blew me away. We laughed so much and talked and laughed more. It was like he never left. He also said,"If I got out today, I would choose to not use." The last two times he told me he would use almost within 5 min. I did not ask, he told me.

I was so happy I forgot to cry!  (o:

He even said something very  nice about me too! That was a major shock. His friend he grew up with, T, I called my brother. T has been sexually harrassing me. I told him to stop, I told him I did not think he was funny. He kept doing it. He gave me a nice bed, kept asking me how I liked sleeping in his bed. Stuff like that and more. Made me sick. I finally told him he needed to apologise he didn't but kept coming over.  I told him NO contact. Thank goodness he stopped.

My AH said,"How can he treat you like that when you have always done so much for him?" I wished I had playback! (Isn't it funny how an A who's disease has hurt you really badly, can turn around and be upset with someone else hurting you?)

Anyway time to go, we stood up, he hugged me, then turned my face and kissed me! Shock shock. BUT no worries. He has almost exactly a year to go then 6 months in jail.

Time will tell if the disease is trying to keep me close in case it needs me. Thank goodness Al Anon has taught me about how an A manipulates. I can smell it now!

Anyway I feel so content and happy.I can stay like this until I die, knowing my friend values me as much as he expressed. We never know what the future holds. Right now if I had to decide to stay here or go to him in his state, I would be packing me and the animals to go!It is sad, but it is first becuz he has integrity, he is honest, he shares his feelings, yes he is a man, haha, I can trust him, so open, he is not A.

I feel better knowing we are real and he is not playing games. not his nature. I have not been around a non A for so long. I forget non A's are very different.

Feel very blessed the AH is ok and my loving friend and I have each other.
(I stay married, but legally separated, becuz I choose to be there to make decisions when he is sick or dies) If something changes, I am heading to the south a free woman.

(o: Thanks as always for all you guys teach me,and being there for me.

Debilyn <(*@*)>