The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well I called the child support agency. There will be a paternity test done I have to take my son in November 7th and my A will be going a few weeks after. She said after that they will ask about visitation and if I want supervised it will go to family court. And until that summons come for me to go to court I can't get any legal aid help. So I just called legal aid on my own. She asked if I had a summons to go to court. I said not yet but should soon. She said she can not help me until then; so I asked if she could just tell me what I need to do to be prepared and what not and she hung up on me!
I have really been worrying and obsessing over this. I shouldn't so much it's not today it's the future and is affecting me getting homework and work done. I wont go to court for at least 2 months (dna wont be back till then--he knows it's his told me this morning this is the fastest way for him to get to a judge - by not cooperating and then he can ask judge about visitation)..I called a few people they will write up things for me they have witnessed in the past that will help my case.
I have to do the foot work and then leave it up to HP. It sounds so hard since this is my sons life. BUT HP does know what's best and if he ends up with regular visitation it's what HP wanted--Just for today I have the say in it and he can't take my son.
I can't sit and obsess over this. I will do 1-2 things a week (footwork) to get the proof/documentation I need. I know I need to write EVERYTHING down and keep details of what goes on.
I have someone getting me some information on social services and if I shoudl contact them and how to go about this if it's necessary right now as I have no experience dealing with this. I think in the next week im going to write up all the things I have and proof I have and do the one hour lawyer consultation. Not that I can afford to get a lawyer but this is free and they may be able to tell me their opinion and whatever..And the types of proof I need and if what I have it good or not.
2 days ago I had to ask him to leave because he wasn't respecting my boundaries. If this happens again (wont go into details here a bit personal) I will call the police and file a report and get a restraining order and then he wont be seeing our son till we go to court. And my motive for this is TO TAKE CARE OF ME. He knows my boundaries I've told him; it's his choice to respect them. And if he choses not to he has to accept the consquences. I can't help him, I can't change him, I can't fix him any longer. I am powerless. I will bring out everything needed..I remember when I still lived there he had said something about going to court for custody and I laughed and said your an A ..he looked and me and said you would actually tell them that? Well DUH!
After all this I have talked to a few people and really his behavior is almost 2 personalities some people tend to think I sound a bit crazy (those not in alanon). I have one friend I tell everything to (she isn't in alanon) and before we were friends she talked to my A and he made it like I was CRAZY, now she sees the truth and she just can't believe what he says and does. The things he says and does are always so different (if this makes any sense) so im hoping the judge will understand alcoholism as it seems many people don't.
So thanks to all the replies on my last post. And honestly I would not have gotten this far if it wasn't from everyone's ESH and sharing and chatting in the chat room! You all really gave me a lot of hope and helped me through this when many others don't understand what I am going through.
Melissa
__________________
"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
I just wanted to tell youI have been watching your progress here and you are incredible! It took me so long to do what I had to do for the safety of my kids, to be the mother I wanted to be....well, I am ashamed of how long it took.
For his medical condition (he said he has cirrosis who knows I have no solid proof) Im pretty certain he has some sort of medical condtion just from living with him for 2 yrs he has symptoms of something...But i know if he does this will help in court BUT there is no way he is going to just hand me proof of this..
Any idea if this is something I need proof of? Or if I can just tell them and then they can get medical records?
__________________
"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
I would guess his mental stability will be more important than his physical conditions. But you are right on target when you say you are documenting EVERYTHING!!
There is absolutely nothing more important than your child.
Aloha Mellisa. Family court is well versed on issues regarding alcoholism and drug addiction. They do know how that affects family and relationships. Do what foot work you need to do and then turn it over. Since other people will be involved it will never be perfect. Keep your expectations in check and your perfectionism in the safe. You're doing the best you can and it sound pretty good. I've worked the family court scene for several years. The court here is very caring and just.
