The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Growing Up an ACOA My Ideal of marriage was something that oftem times i couldn't bring myself to think about, I would say mainly because My parents had a Brutle Divorce when I was but 9 years old... It really took from me ALOT of my Dreams as a small child for I still lived in a fantasy world that would consist of "Happily Ever After", and of course living in the disfunction of Divorce and the fact that my father WAS then an Alcoholic/addict/adultrist... There was No Such thing...
When i met my Husband, I never thought the day would come that I would call him that... I never got all wrapped up in "Marriage" for "to Me" it was nothing more then a means for divorce...I had no more dreams of the Happy ending, I had no more Hopes for the White Horse, and the carriage...
It wasn't until I became pregnant that I then realized, that "I" COULD have a happy Marriage, "I" Could make mine anything I wanted, Happy, Sad, Fighting, Loving, Compassionate, respectful, HONEST, Faithful, all the things at one time I had believed in... That I had lost so many years ago...
Now... Today... I sit here on my 9th Wedding Anniversary, Loving Who & What I am for the changes I have made in my life...When I met my husband, I was a full blown Alcoholic, I was functioning Alkie... I worked 2 jobs, and party'd on my off time, didn't sleep much, ate speed to be the life of the party.. I was so exhausted I don't know how I managed to hold down jobs, and do them well... My Marriage has grown to something that I never thought possible...It has grown back into the dreams I once had as a child, the "Happily Ever After"...
Yes... We still have our bumps in the road, and he still struggles with "Binge" drinking about every 6 months or so, for a day or two... I can honestly say that I no longer RUN to Alcohol to solve ANY of my Problems...Too were at one time that was ALL that I knew... And his binge drinkin doesn't even really seem to phaze me anymore now that i am IN Program...I now except that is HIS way to Cope, and it is not mine...I no longer Own his I only Own Mine!!!
I can honestly say that on this Day... 9 Years before, When My Afather Walked me Down the Isle, Was one of the Happiest Days of My Life...I feel so honored to have that memory of him & with Him... Too see in his face the "Proudness" he carried for me and my husband, and the happiness I brought to him if not just for a Day...I was the only one he got to share that with out of his (3) daughters.... I still remember dancing the Father/Daughter dance to "Butterfly Kisses" with him... That song will always hold a special spot in my heart... for Me... That is Me & Daddy-O's Song... Thru Eternity...
I have come to a place in my life that I have excepted My Past, I have excepted that I am Human, and that I am only in control of Who "I" am... No More No Less... I deside were my happiness ends, and were it begins.. I have reconnected with my HP, and have found Grace & Love in return... I have worked my Program for "ME" and it has shown in my life.. I have been blessed with many things these last 10 months in Program... This place being one of the many... It is amazing to me, to look back at Where I Was... And Were I AM Now...For my Journey has Just Begun
Today... I needed to count My Blessings..... And You ALL are a part of them...
Thanks for lettin me Share :o)
Love, Hugs, & Prayers to All of you that are here, thank you for sharing your struggles, your lives, your hearts & your will... I am most grateful to have the connection to you all...
