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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> the last week .... a share
Post Info TOPIC: the last week .... a share
Jennifer


~*Service Worker*~

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the last week .... a share
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Hello everyone,

Well ... where to begin? I've had a lot of time and ways to practice my program this past week or so. My sad news, my old blind cat had liver failure and I had to take him in to be put to sleep. I really miss him. we could be blind together and usually had to call and meow to each other until i saw a glimpse of white somewhere to find each other. Eating dinner without having to lock the scavenger int he bathroom to save whatever happens to be on my plate should be nice but it is not ... it's just a bit lonely.

I wasn't much in the mood to deal with Aism last weekend after losing my cat so when the ABF had a bad Saturday and wanted to rant and rave about it for a couple hours, I explained i was not in the mood to do that whole experience that night. Said the ultimatum you go or I go. He tried to go but ended up in a fight with his brother 3 blocks away, got out of the car and came back. So I followed thru, and went to my Mom's via a ride from my brother (can't drive .. blind) so then I handled the why are you leaving your house questions very well. And kudos to my family for understanding that I laid down an ultimatum and had to follow thru. I returned the next day in the evening to an apologetic ABF who had renewed vigor in looking for his own apartment.

Which brings me to today. He moved out. Right this moment it sucks to be honest. Tomorrow may be better, at least after an appointment in the morning I am dreading. I need to ask a social agency to please change a vocational counselor I have. I have tried to be understanding that her job is extremely difficult but I am a little tired of someone else's bad attitude raining on my parade ... dang it. Of course to them I will say our personalities do not mix well and that I would prefer to work with someone who has experience with visual impairments. Anyway, feeling like I am rejecting people in order to take care of myself first is CHALLENGING to say the least ... I am trying my best.

In thinking about all this I don't even know if this man is an A, definitely has depression and anxiety issues and abuses alcohol in self medicating, just not really mine to judge if he is an A or not. I was able to tell him and fully BELIEVE that every person has the right to live as they want to, only I am not able to spend time so closely around someone who drinks more or for reasons that i am not comfortable with.

I don't know. I miss the sober guy I met a year ago. I know I did the right thing. I am proud I chose not to enable someone to live that way. I am proud to be taking care of myself. And I am still sad.

J

PS I'm not so sad anymore. ABF called from his new place and he had had a few beers after starting his new antidepression meds just today <sigh>... then let the dog out and the neighbor's new BF got out of her car slurring words talking to my dog ... sometimes it feels as if I can't get away. Except now all I have to do is close my door smile.gif

-- Edited by Jennifer on Monday 5th of October 2009 11:35:47 PM

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hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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Hi Jennifer

I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your precious cat  I know how difficult it is to part with such a faithful pet. 

Thanks for sharing your ESH on keeping your boundries this weekend.  

I know this program works and i agree sometimes even when we do exactly what we need to do we can be sad over the loss of our dreams.  

Praying for your peace.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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Oh my friend it is so hard to lose our fur family. I am sad for you.  Sadly it is part of our adopting animals.

Your attitude about ABF is very healthy. I can tell you are not bitter or angy at him. Knowing you, you will miss him. It is not easy at all having our A leave. We seem to see the good in them, but the disease goes and it takes them too.

Well for me, it took a long while before I got over it. Was so hard to let go. Was nice living with someone.

Anyway lots of hugs, and so glad you have a good family. love,debilyn

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maresie


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 4578
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I ma 2 years out from leaving the ex A.  I no longer miss him. I no longer miss the chaos I no longer miss it all being about him.  I do struggle tremendously financially and I am lonely but loneliness is better than dealing with  non stop constant need and chaos.

I am so glad you put in a plan of action for yourself. Good for you.

I am also glad you are negotiating to get your needs met. Good for you.  No drama there!

Maresie.

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maresie
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> the last week .... a share