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So Friday night I took my kids to the local buffalo wild wings for karaoke, we met up with a few other single moms and their kids. My oldest daughter (15) was out at the movies with her friends and got dropped off there after the show. So I'm talking to a nice guy and we are really hitting it off. She walks up and says....guess who I saw... I know the answer to the question before it's even asked. I tell her I don't want to hear it. She tells me anyway. She went by my ex bf's work (krispy kreme) to see if she could get some free donuts. He gives her his number and takes hers, gives her free donuts and hugs and tells her not to tell me she was there as I am a "psycho stalker". Mind you my ONLY communication with him in the past 6 weeks has been via myspace messages, myspace status, facebook messages, email, text messaging and all of these together for a total of less than ten messages. No in person talking, no calls, etc. Also remember that he and my daughter fought like cats and dogs the entire time we were together and she never had a kind word to say to or about him. So she's rubbing this in my face for several days after, he wants me not you... he likes me now... etc. Of course it pisses me off.
Every time I wash my hands of him it seems I get sucked back into the drama. I was SOOOO incredibly angry. Mostly because he refuses to even speak to me who loved him and is kind to my daughter who would like to see me beat him down (as I was highly tempted to do after hearing the story). She called him and told him she was stranded and he agreed to pick her up and give her a ride home at 1 am. Now common sense would tell you that if I wasn't psycho before him coming to my door at 1 am with my 15 year old daughter in his truck would probably push me over that line. I wanted to get a bat and beat him and his truck until the police came to take me to jail... I had her call and say she got a ride home but he was actually going to show up and I still don't know how to take that.
I'm better today. Thank god. Yesterday I had a whole thing I put on myspace about the incident I changed it about 10 times posted it, thought about it for five minutes and took it off. I decided I was just feeding his ego by doing that and nothing I say is going to "affect" him or cause him to feel something and even if it does what's the point? I sent him an email that night that said you couldn't have me now if you came begging on your hands and knees. I think that sums it up and says it all. What's left to be said. Plenty in my mind but it's like talking to a wall so what's the point? I'm so sick of trying to figure out what the hell he's thinking, what his motives are. Why? Why give her his number? Why is he scared to talk to me? Why does he go thru my best friend's line at walmart every time he goes there and tell her all about what he's up to? Why does he keep some line of communication open all the time? Why why why.... I talked about it with various people. My ex husband thinks hes a pervert and wants to beat him and he's coming back to town in about two weeks... not my problem. The concensus seems to be either A he's a pervert and I was blinded by love and just can't see it. Or B he's trying to keep some line of communication open indirectly - instead of just growing some .... and picking up the phone and calling me. I can't figure out why I'm so scary? Anyway, I am going with C my own invention - he's an immature idiot (of course... he walked away from me in the first place that should have been my first clue :) and he has no brain in his head to think about how that appears and the possible ramifications of his stupidity. I can't keep wondering why anymore, I can't keep letting this hurt me. I'm at the point where I don't even want him anymore which is sad for me. I at least had someone I liked and wanted and now I feel like he's just a . Like everything he said to me was a lie. And he's not even an A...
I think I figured out why I have held on so long too. There are a few guys I'm interested in meeting and it's so complicated with 3 kids to meet new people, balance time with them, work, doing everything I need to do at home and getting out to meet someone new. It was easy with him, he was already a part of the family, he could come to my house and hang out. You can't do that with new people and I don't want to set my kids up to get attached to someone again and have them disappear overnight like this again. I am not really sure how to proceed with meeting new people and making time for someone else while at the same time keeping the balance with my kids and not setting them up like I did last time. I totally see it now. I see how I took my time from them and gave it to him. I don't want to do that again. I do want love again though. I just don't want to love so hard and I want someone who loves us all together and wants to be a family.
Yesterday when I removed that post on myspace I realized, I am done doing the dance. I was mad I even wasted the time writing it. If I step off the floor, the dance stops and obviously he's not going to. What kind of idiot gives his number to the 15 year old daughter of a woman he swore his undying love to for six months? UGH I am finally believing the best is yet to come and there's DEFINITELY something better out there for me!!!
-- Edited by tlcate on Monday 5th of October 2009 09:44:16 PM
Some people break up with dignity few do. I have not met many couples who work it through. Some people go straight to denial. Working through what happened, why it didn't work is tremendous work. You are doing that. Congratulations.
Your 15 year old is being a 15 year old.
I believe you were well aware he had some immaturity, obviously he is not that experienced at break ups. Doing those with dignity is tremendously hard work. I had a divorce attorney who coached me through a divorce and told me I didn't want to do certain things. I am certain your re-writing and eventually deciding not to post is part of your working through.
I would have to have a talk with the daughter also. I don't want this to be suggestive that she had anything in mind or motive (besides free donuts), but she went to his work place, exchanged numbers and also called him to pick her up. I'd be making sure she has alternative numbers and make sure she doesn't call him again.
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I liked how you took off your writing as any show of emotion, feeds the issue.
Now girl even though it is hard to admit, he is a child still. Not a man yet. He does not realize all it would have taken was him agreeing to talk about it all once and close it. A mature man would have let you know that the relationship was over for him.
Being angry shows there are still some emotions there. One cannot expect anything from anyone. I am so glad you are letting it go.
We did talk once, about a week after he said it was "over for him". It was just so out of the blue and I couldn't accept it. I loved him and I believed he loved me and I just felt that love doesn't walk away for no good reason. I never really did get a good reason. But then it seems like he kept some sort of attachment going the entire time. Maybe that was just me thinking wishfully but it sure seemed that way. It still hurts and I'm looking forward to the day when I go through an entire day without thinking about him at all. Wonder how long that one will take? I'm thinking a VERY long time. I don't think he has any ill intent toward my daughter, I think he's just immature and ignorant.
As for my daughter, she was trying to make me mad, rub it in my face, etc. She like to stir up trouble all the time. I don't think there is anything to worry about there but he really should have known better and if he was an adult he would. I am at the point now where I'm done playing the game. I still have a nasty thought pop up here and there of some way I'd like to make his life difficult but I just push it out of my mind and try to focus on what's ahead of me and what's going on now. I really don't know what snapped in him to make him treat me the way he did and I guess that's the hardest thing to accept that someone could be so sweet one day and then the next just as if they never cared a thing about you. Some part of me hopes he's suffering silently inside... I know - not nice.
At least I feel now like I am able to move on from this, I am contemplating seeing other people and not feeling like I still "belong" to him. I do feel very hesitant to invest much of myself into anything again any time soon though.
. Like everything he said to me was a lie. And he's not even an A... 