just totally lost it. - Al-Anon Family Group

alanonicScotland · Veteran Member

just totally lost it.

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

I feel for you. I live next door to chronically noisy people. The aggravation has practically driven me around the bend at times. The up side is that at least here, the police will come and tell them to turn it off, and cite them if they don't. But sometimes the police are busy at something that is genuinely more important, and it takes them hours to get here. Hours of loud thumping music would drive anyone spare. I remember reading once that loud noise was one of the most stressful things people could be subjected to. That's why the U.S. played loud music outside the dictator's mansion when they wanted to overthrow the dictator, remember that?

But at the times we can't control external events, that's when our self-care is most important, isn't it? I hope in the long run you can get some change -- get the police to respond, or find a new place to live. But in the short run, I hope you can do everything you can to keep yourself centered and calm. I remember talking to a woman who said she had come home to find her bathroom had burst a pipe and there was water pouring down her stairs. As she began to go into a panic, an ambulance went by her house and stopped down the street. The medics rushed in and loaded a man into the ambulance as his wife wept. The woman I was talking to said she looked at the water coming down her stairs, thought, "Thank goodness no one's in danger," called the plumber, and went to make herself a nice cup of tea. She's a role model I try to remember!

serendipity · ~*Service Worker*~

I wanted to point out the positive I read in your post. You recognised your ptsd. You recognised the trigger. You tried the logical thing asking the neighbor to turn it down. Then you brainstormed ways to cope for next time (landlord, motel) I think that is great stuff!!!

I have ptsd also and finding peace and control is major for me. Also, recognising and anticipating triggers and then finding solutions is really a terrific way to cope.

I am sorry you are having a hard night. I hope you know how well you did in a difficult situation. I tend to only see the negatives. Feel better!!

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

We are human, we lose it. There are times when we cannot take it anymore and we blow.

I sure would not apologise to anyone. That's me. You lost it. Means you did not have control for that moment.

When my AH did that, I did not want an apology. What was nice was just what you did, looked at you and didn't like what you saw and looking for other options.

If he said, "I wish I would have kept it together." that was cool.

The world is so hard to be in. We try to ignore as much as we can. We may even try all avenues to change the situation. But sometimes....

Really no one is perfect. We are all a work in progress.

I am fortunate as my neighbors are my tenants and they are great, my other neighbors are cows, horses and pot bellied pigs....I can listen to their "noise" all night and day long.

I had neighbors in town that would get loud. Kids and dad liked to party with his firefighter brother. They smoked pot. geez

Anyway after I go to know them, I realized it did not bother me as much.

Have you spoken to them when things are quiet? Like when they sleep in the daytime?

Maybe once you both become people to each other, they may be more considerate.?

hugs, love,debilyn

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Hmmmm...you got a rental agent then you must have a contract and might that
contract say among other things "quiet tenancy"...Have you got the phone number
to the agent and maybe the owner of the building? Disturbances are reasons to
void the contract. That's one way to go, raging is another and there are more.
Pick the consequence you want and then make the plan and follow up on it.

I'm also PTSD and a rager and sometimes in the past that use to work well for me
but since Al-Anon came into my life I try to use alternatives W X Y Z before A B C.

Been there and done that and it felt the same way it feels for you now. Arggggh.

(((((hugs))))) smile

Mandy123 · ~*Service Worker*~

I hope the landlord helps with the situation. I don't miss living that close to the neighbors at all.

Just remember you are doing the best you can with what you have. Take care of you.

Yours in recovery,
Mandy

alanonicScotland · Veteran Member

Thank you all for the identificaiton and siggestions and observations! It means a lot...and this morning I've formally emailed the City Council agnecy responsible for dealing with this as well. Amazing what happens when I forget to be a victim, and take care of myself.
:) Thanks, Gratitude

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

The landlord complaint should help. Your landlord will have to take action especially as they said it was a quiet bulding. Have faith that your actions will get somewhere. How about those earphones that block noise? Make a plan be for yourself for another event then you will feel less helpless.

I do know that I complain to my landlord a lot. I may not like his responses but he does have to take action. I also may not like that things don't change automatically overnight but I persist. I deserve peace and happiness. So do you.

Detaching may help you too if you are willing to learn how to do it. There is a good primer at www.coping.org.

Maresie.

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