The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband is having a rough time right now. His brother is dying and he's under a lot of stress and pressure.
We've been doing VERY VERY well because we've both been pursing active healthy things and avoiding the negative. I'm very very proud of myself and him.
HOWEVER today he said he's stressed and sometimes thinks he'd love to pull over and have a beer, but knows that won't solve anything.
It's the 1st part that scares me, but it's the 2nd part I know I should focus on and be happy that he even said.
I don't want fear creeping back in my life and taking control of me, in an uncontrollable situation.
Aloha Inpain...your post reminded me of the boundary my current wife has with me and any attempt at trying to handle life with alcohol again. (She has never seen me drunk and we met in the program however she's heard stories and has had a previous qualifier). "If you drink, I leave" short and simple clearly understood by both sides and respected. There are many alcoholics that would tempt the waters even at that. I pray that is not a future event for your husband and yourself.
Earlier today, I was thinking, that letting go of my fear, is probably not unlike an A letting go of theirs. I was thinking of how similar we are that way.
There is no doubt, uncertainty about the future is unacceptable to me lately. And it all turns into fear. I've been praying a lot. And asking HP to help me to trust. Lately, I have to ask repeatedly, because my mind is gonna do what my mind is gonna do!!!
One day at a time. One minute at a time, sometimes. I just keep asking.
This evening, I had a strong inclination to just bundle up and get to the park for a brisk walk. Wow. I am so glad I took that action, HP had so much to show me. So much animation in that woodland forest tonight, like a Disney cartoon! It brought me soooo much peace, and pleasure.
What a beautiful, amazing universe! My fears feel quite insignificant tonight. For that, I am grateful.
Thanks for the post. (((hugs)))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I have the same boundary in place. I will not subject my children and myself to him "lowering his inhibitions" and "self medicating" with booze again.
I appreciate his honesty with me and am trying not to "react" to his statements, and I haven't, however, they do instill fear in me.
I cannot control it. Right? So if he chooses to follow that path, I will take active steps to remove him from this household and protect myself and my children.
We went to a dual al-anon AA meeting last week which we both get a lot out of. He is NOT in program. Just sober for now, but again, I cannot consume myself with his recovery and what he intends to do. I can only come here and try to focus on me and work through my issues.
I do feel that FEAR would drive me to some irrationale behavior on my part before. Now I just recognize that I'm having it and trying to redirect my anxiety elsewhere. If I start consuming myself on what he is doing, might do, etc., I have lost control of ME.
I remember all to well about a year and half ago when my husbands brother was dieing from cancer. It was his lil brother and he basically raised him the best way he knew how. During that time, my husbands addictions were at one of the all time worse. I remember many of nights checking on him to make sure he was breathing because I never had any idea of exactly what and how much of whatever it was he had taken or drank. He own words to me during a comfortation of the situation was " some days i think about drinking myself to death or taking enough pain pills to kill myself, cause no one person should have to go through this". All I could do was to pray for him. It broke my heart. I thought I was going to lose him. But reality is I had already lost him to this addiction, lost him a long time ago an he was beyond me finding him. The only way for him to get on the right path is/was for him to allow GOD to light the way.
Whenever I go to that place of fear I remember what fear is to me, False Evidence Appearing Real. I also try to remember that worrying doesn't do me any good.
What has really been working for me lately is remembering all the good that my HP has been doing in my life and thanking him for it and asking to help me to avoid that icky place, the worry and fear place.
My husband was goign to use/drink when he wanted to and mo ammount of my worrying was going to stop him.
Right now with everything that I am going through I can see that I can be happy no matter what he is doign to himself.
Keep coming back.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
