What? Am I an ACOA???????? - Al-Anon Family Group

mastiff · Senior Member

What? Am I an ACOA????????

mariposa · Member

I have been reading a lot of stuff lately and I think I read something about second generation ACOA. I will look back through some stuff and see if I can find it for you..... hopefully I can remember where it was.

jj · ~*Service Worker*~

I have read a really good book that explained what happened to me growing up and the personalities that I took on growing up in an alcoholic home. It was earie for someone to explain exactly how I act and the things that I did. I can't remember the title but I will deffinately find it for you.

Trina i emailed the friend that lent me the book i will give you the title when she gets back to me.

JJ

-- Edited by jj at 03:26, 2005-06-03

kerry5 · Senior Member

I have read a lot of books on acoa. I would say you are the grandaughter of an adult child as are my children. And mast i dont drink in my home for fear of becoming an alcoholic i know if i were to wouldnt take much. I already have all the isms as you do. I am a very angry person. And i too like your mother i am passing it on to my kids as soon as my children are old enough which will be next year i will put them right into alateen and im putting them into counceling this fall too, i ve been trying since they were born to break this cycle i just cant seem to. Cant seem to find the kind of help i need. I suggest from survival to recovery. hope for today. And there is another book called dear dad its from a famous star and he shares his life livining in an alcoholic home i cant remember his name. I also give you this advice from my own experience some things are going to be hard to read so take your time. Let it sink in before you pick up another book. Hope this helps you.(((hugs)))

kerry

jj · ~*Service Worker*~

Hey Trina,

The book is called "From Survival to Recovery" it is from from Alanon and it is confrence approved. It is very good.

JJ

mastiff · Senior Member

Thank you all for your time, I will definetly check those books out.

lots of love, trina

wanda213 · Member

http://www.annsmith.com/E-Book/GCOA%20e-book%20promo%20pages.pdf#search='Grandchildren%20of%20alcoholics' my daughter and I found this to be very informative, hope you enjoy it... Wanda

AranB · Newbie

In my experience, although my parents were alcoholics and I did a few years of copying them, my brother never touched the stuff, but both of us were raised by alcoholics and everything we learned, including social interaction, sexuality, ways to cope, taking care of (or not) ourselves, and parenting we learned from alcoholics.
I never had kids but my brother did and he chose different routes of dysfunction (there are tons!) and even though he's not an ALCOHOL-ic he's DEFINITELY sick and in some ways he DID pass it on to his son, who's very demeaning and verbally abusive, just like his dad and my dad, and very dysfunctional-very, "If there's no drama to engage in let's start some".
So while it is a different generation, the fact that my brother never did anything to learn healthy behaviors has passed straight on to his son, which in my mind makes us ALL ACOA's.
Now I think if I had kids NOW (I'm 53 so that's not happening) I'd be a great parent, because I've spent the last 25 years working to improve and heal myself but I was just as toxic as my brother when I was 25 and I am almost "glad" I didn't have kids because it would have just perpetuated the illness.

It can't hurt to read a few books or websites. You might find some helpful insights

Peace,
Aran

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

The book "Perfect Daughter's" by Robert Ackerman was a great read for me and I bought it for under $10 at amazon, but I have heard you can rent it from the library also. Sending you love and support on your journey!

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Aran, welcome. Just a heads up: you are pulling 10 year old posts from people that are most likely not going to see your responses. Sometimes reviving super old posts is good when it directly ties to your point, but it can confuse people too. Either way, glad you are here.

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Hey (((((Trina)))))

Hope for Today's March 4th reading seems to shed light on your question.

Here is a paragraph excerpt (all that's allowed here due to literature copyrights)

"My grandmother had been a wife of an alcoholic and my mom was the child of an alcoholic. Suddenly, everything made sense, I finally understood why I acted as I did. I was the grandchild of an alcoholic and the daughter of an adult child. The effects of the disease of alcoholism had been handed down from generation to generation, but no one before me had received the loving help of Al-Anon. Thanks to my higher power I found the program. Now I can start passing down recovery instead of disease.

The reading talks about coming to an Adult Child Al-Anon meeting and basically references "If you can spot it, you've got it," concerning traits.

Hope this was of some help.

As far as books... Facing Codependence - What It Is, Where It Comes From, How It Sabatages Our Lives

There is also an companion workbrook called Breaking Free

Hope this was of some help. Good to see you again! TT

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Thanks Pinkchip. Good catch! Thought I saw an old friend was posting.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.