The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Sorry I have been vacant here lately... I have been having DAILY Headaches that have been limiting my Computer time.. I work at a computer all day, and most evennings My Head hurts so bad I can't seem to get on... I am sure "this too Shall Pass" but it has really weighed me to death it seems...
I did get to make my F2F Sunday which was Wonderful, and I really got alot from it this time around, it was one of those you just walk away feeling good and accomplished ;) I needed that with this on going illness/sinus infection & Family Crap...
I know that is what is holding me down currantly but I just can't seem to kick them... I go see the doc in Nov. and hopefully by then they will have past...Couple other things bothing me as well... But I know "It is none of my Business"...
Example... My "Super Cody" Mother just told me the other day (Only because I caught her) that she was taking my Abrother to Community Hours... Now Mind ya, they have given them to him 5-6 times before and he NEVER Complied, (So I know she Dragging Him), and she pays for gas (He Works) she uses her car, takes time out of her Day, and the thing that ticks me off the most is She has even been caught in Numerous Lies to Save his Butt... WHY??? Why can't she see what she is doing to him? Why can't she see all he does is Use her? Why does she keep putting herself in the line of fire for hurt and dispare? I guess I just don't understand...
I have offered her al-anon books, (She wont read) Says she has no time!!!! Well Quit hauling him around and ya will...
Then.. My ASister calls all upset, because my (Apparently) My Neice is attemping to become an "A" as well, and just got arrested for drinking (Auhhh) and she didn't have her car inspected, or tagged, or insurance so they impounded her car..(YAY). I explained to my ASister that "I" Hope she stays out of it...(My Neice does not live at home) She claims will stay out of it, and i reminded her that if she don't she will become like "Abrother"... So Crossin my fingers...
The thing that made me mad about that the most was, my neice called me Yesterday, and ask me "Nothing" questions... And Didn't breathe a word about it... it happened Sunday, while she was watching football with her "AUncle/My ABrother" ... Wouldn't be so bad, but she is 19... Not even legal to consume..(he is such a role model).. I have been prayin the courts do something to her that makes her get back in line, but I guess only time will answer that one...
So I'm kinda sit'n in my own little pity pot currantly... Staying Out of their Business, just disturbed by it... I know it is in Gods hands and not mine and I am OK with that, still ticks me off tho that now I have to worry about YET Another "A"when it comes to the alcoholism in my family... It just never seems to end...
Guess thats it for now... Hope to catch up real soon, and ESH is Good ESH :)
Have you read, "Getting them Sober" or AlAnon literature?
All the family problems, can you change any of it? Control any of it? NO. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Learning to detach is vital for us. Look how their disease is making you sick! Here you are not even part of it!
I use the analogy of the river by my house. I wish it came up closer to my house, but I cannot change that, no way. So of course I don't even think about it!
Same with A's and their drama, I can't change it either so I don't think about it. NOT my business.
Al Anon helps us to learn to think about our own garden. If we bump our heads into a wall trying to clean up their garden, but THEY keep letting the rabbits in, our garden goes to pot and we are frustrated.
Stay in our own gardens, they will thrive and so will you. We don't even look at theirs. NOT our business. simple.
Nothing we do will have any effect on them. nothing. We have to work on us and our kids, sig. others, jobs, happiness.
Sure they are your family, your loved ones, but again, we cannot help them. We have to leave it alone. Love them, don't even focus on the disease and its affects.
I hope this helps! Love,Debilyn handing you a shovel, 12 beautiful begonias and a wheelbarrow of garden soil!
Sometimes as a parent it is very difficult to stand back and do nothing......your mom thinks she is helping your brother and does not realize she is enabling him....she will....
Same with your niece.....we don't always do the correct things as parents.....sometimes we just do the best we can.....
I know you understand that we are powerless and all things need to be turned over to HP but at times it is so important just toVENT. I know for so many years I never expressed how I felt and bottled everything up inside. One of the gifts of alanon was the freedom to express how I felt. It did not mean I could run around and change anyone-it was just important to my well being . Once I expressed what I was concerned about solutions followed. Thanks for sharing here.
Jozie, Please note that my post is done with love and not judgement.
Your post that that you were ticked off becuase now you have to worry about another "A". Well hun, you don't. You are choosing to. Worrying is a choice and sometimes it is easy for me to not worry and sometimes it is almost impossible for me to, yet it is still my choice. Worrying gets me nowhere good or beneficial for me.
There is a page in C2C a believe it is 10, but I know it is the first page in the index under worry. That page says something about everything you worry about not happening and even if it did foreknowledge woudln't have helped anyway. There is also another page in C2C I do not remember the page number, but it is June 17th that speaks about leaning on your HP. These are two a many good readings on worry.
Keep the focus on you. Don't worry about what your mom and sister in law or doing or not doing. The best thing you can do for you is to work your program and you will hopefully be the light that leads your loved ones to Alanon, but if they don't find it, at least you will have your sanity and serenity.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
-- Edited by Mandy123 on Wednesday 30th of September 2009 05:16:08 PM
__________________
"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
I know you are strong and work hard at your programme..... As you say this too will pass.
Sorry you are still having the headaches...take it easy, be kind to yourself.....
I know when I am stressed or unwell the things I didn't cause, can't control or change maybe linger a little longer than they should in my own hands...we are all fallible....
Yeah I got the book, just have'nt finshed it ;) but plan too...and I do appriecate the garden you have laid out for me, much love and hugs to you for taking the time to think if me ;)
(((((Andrea))))) I know mom is doing the best she can, I just get aggravate that she allows it to go on, over and over again, when she already has high blood pressure, and not in the best health, yet works close to 50-60 years a week, and still finds the time to cater to him... She wasn't like that with me or my Asister, but since he is the baby.. And didn't have my Afather in his life...She blames herself for ALL his Wrong doing... I just fear loosing HER over all that HE puts her thru... even tho... She allows it... I am getting better but somedays are deffenantly harder then others when she is crying to me about it... I'm sure you understand :)
You are such a blessing to many here, and yes I do come sometimes just to get it off my chest, and then I feel guilt for it later... like I am "putitng someone out" with my B@tch'n...lol.. but I am so grateful always to hear your wisdom, you have been such an inspiration to me and my recovery, I don't know how I can thank you enough for all your kindness ;) thanks for the prayers, I am always grateful to have them... Love & Hugs to you:)
(((((((((((((((((MAndy))))))))))))))))
I know you mean well, and I have that book that I read daily so I will def. check those pages again :) I love when people share with me "their" view, because I can then learn from them for alot has been were i am at times, and sometimes I can't see thru the fog to make any since of it, so ANYTIME you want to ESH me your thoughts, I will always be most grateful for your input... that is what I love about this program... Not just the program... the People that are here and take the time to share, and to care... So Keep coming back and Thank you :)
(((((((((((((((NESS))))))))))))))))))))))
EXACTLY... I know it is the headaches that have me half wore down, I know that I need to stay in my program, and that i need to keep my focus and I am trying...some days when the "Drama" comes all at once and I am at my weakest, I too cave... but I am not a quiter, so I dove back into my books and started bringing my thoughts back too "How Improtant is it" , "This too Shall Pass", and Live & Let Live... So Thanks to ALL of you that took the time to make me see the light when sometimes it just to bright for me to focus ;)
Love, Hugs & Prayers to ALL of you for thinking and caring for me :) And giving me the push I needed today... :)
Jozie, I got this tip when I did a couple of computer courses, incidentally I suffered a lot with headaches from computer use. I was taught to line up the top of the screen not the top of the monitor at eye level, this cut my headaches by half. I hope it works for you and please pm me if I can be of any further assistance.
Thanks Will give it a try... Currantly my Eyes are at the center of the screen so will def. give it a whirl... Anything to make them stop and me stop eat'n pills that mess up my belly on top of it.. ;) So Thanks for thinkin of me...
