The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Spent much of this weekend not feeling well, so while lying around I had some time to reflect on things a bit. I never sit still, have the hardest time with it and this weekend I had no choice.......think HP really just wanted me to slow down and take care of me for a bit.
Before AlAnon I would have felt tremendous guilt for spending the weekend lying around not tending to the house, etc and not being Super Mom to my son. My son and I actually had a day hike planned for Sunday, that I knew he was looking forward to, but I knew I couldn't do it. Normally I would have drug myself half sick and been miserable the whole time, but this time I didn't. I knew I didn't feel well, I knew I wasn't up for it, and there was no guilt for letting my son down, as he understood and was fine.
I also am learning daily, and loving it, to let go of this obsessive need for perfectionism in my life, my hope, my friends, my work, my dates, etc. I'm learning that the world goes right on spinning if my house isn't immaculate, and that it's ok to use white out!LOL Before AlAnon I would have retyped an entire book before using white out on anything....yesterday I whited out a wholeeeeeee lotta stuff-lol, and laughed at my insanity while doing it. I'm giving up slowly on keeping the perfect house, and being the perfect mom, and the perfect daughter, and perfect employee, and perfect date and just learning daily how to be me, whoever that girl is anymore. I am searching for her daily. It's hard and it's a challenge. When people ask me what is my favorite place to eat, or my favorite thing to do, etc.....I want to be able to answer for me and not for everyone else and right now I'm not certain of a lot about myself.
Truth is that much of my life has been lived around everyone else's wants, needs, dreams and desires. I used to wait until my EXAH would come home at the end of the day to see what kind of mood I was going to be in-insane but true. I am just starting to see my own thoughts and feel my own feelings, and it is scarey to realize that for 40 yrs I've lived a whole other life that I am now trying to change. But it is also wonderful and adventurous and enlightening......and a journey that is all my own:)
I'm inching forward little by little, day by day......
Thanks for letting me share shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
What is funny to me about perfectionism is the illusion itself. We try all these things to be perfect but if we look back at the mess, it makes you wonder "what was the point in all that?" It never did us a bit of good.
My house is clean, but not perfect. If there are dishes on the counter or dust on a table and one of my friends calls me for something fun to do..I'm outta there. Those dishes are left crying and the dust gets to build for one more day.
I've learned to say "no" better, but not completely. My Grandaughter recently called me from school wanting me to bring her some meds that she forgot. I would have to drive to the school, get her house key, drive back to her house, get the meds, drive back to the school to deliver, then drive home again. After all this was done she would have only been in school another 90 min. I said "no" and she still loves me.
Most of the time perfectionism stems from getting other's approval. I only need my approval at this point. Can I live with dishes on the counter or dust? You bet I can. If I put dishes and dust on one side of a scale and a great time out with a friend on the other, there's no question. The same with stopping what I'm doing and running all over for Grandaughter. Her Mom puts her meds on the table for her in the morning daily. Maybe she'll be more responsible next time. She's 14, not 5.
Life rolls along much easier when you are not living it due to what other people think or trying to be superwoman. I figure no one is going to mention my clean or dirty house at my funeral anyway..lol
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
What an excellent post Shelly. I am echooing Blender girl hotrod and Christy! thanks for the food for thought! Love reading your posts and all the excellent ESH tht follows your posts! now if the white out could just take care of cellulite tooooo!.... :)
