The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
hello my name is shell, and my father is a alcoholic. i have never before been in a aa meeting but a friend has encouraged me to join. i suffer from severe depression and ptsd due to my father. he is very abusive when he is drunk and i have recently have ad to move outta home cause he told me to jump in the river and kill myself. i really dont know how to handle his drunkness you think afrter 23 years i know how to by now. each day i feel it my fault he is drunk and each day i see him drunk i blame me more and more. i have never said to anyone my dad a drunk i just let them find out for themself and i never confirm or deny this. i know i cannot drink myself cause it just makes me feel like him and i dont wanna be him. i hate my life and feel so alone like no one understands me so i came here hoping to find someone who can relate to what i feeling. sorry im not making much sense i just nervous. look forward to meeting you all soon
You are in the right place. I noticed your post in chat you left before we could read this post.
No need to be nervous. Many of us can relate. My mom was and still is an A. My dad found AA when I was young. My sons father is an A, A brother, Afriend.........list goes on and on I feel i am the only one that is not an A.
First of you did not cause this, you can not control this and you can not cure his disease.
IT"S NOT your fault. He is powerless over his drinking as well. My sons father tells me all the time it's my fault he drinks...well then how is it my fault if you started drinking 18 years BEFORE meeting me? I believe they are hurting badly and will do what they can to put the blame on others because then they will feel a LITTLE bit better about themselves.
What you said does make sense. When I first came I was afraid to share because I thought others would think differently of me, but slowly I started to share and was SHOCKED......So many could relate to what I had to say. And that is why I keep coming back. Alanon HELPS ME!!!
I'm sure you will get many replies from others who can relate!!
__________________
"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
You have made a great deal of sense and are not alone. I know exactly how you feel and I am so very glad you have found your way here and posted your message.
You have already been given some excellent suggestions Alanon face to face meetings are wonderful places to find others who will hug you and identify with all you are saying. There will be literature available which will help to calm your fears and let you know how to live and be happy.
THere is hope
Please keep coming back
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 27th of September 2009 10:54:52 PM
Welcome Shelly, you are not alone and your share was perfectly and very understandable -
Melissa and Betty already shared it is a (family) disease and in the beginning we learn the Three C's; we didn't cause it, we can't control it, and we can't cure it. Tho one day at a time, by turning our focus on ourselves and not the A we learn to place our problems in their true perspective.
We also focus on The Serenity Prayer, The Slogans and the First Three Steps.
The Beginner's Packet at your face to face (f2f) will have a whole lot of great information/pamphlets and for adult children starting out I would suggest the daily reader
Hope for Today
Wishes in recovery, tea2
-- Edited by tea2 on Monday 28th of September 2009 01:31:39 AM
I grew up in an alcoholic family and took it all on as my fault for years. Al anon can help you immensely. You will never feel alone here. I hope you are availaing yourself of every resource you can get your hands on, books, meetings, whatever you have the energy to pursue.
thank you so much for your advise and been so welcoming to me since i have joined here. i think i am beginning to see that i need to see my father as 2 people a alcoholic one he has no control of and my dad the guy who i do actually love. i need seperate him. if that makes sense. as for me not blaming myself and i think you three c thingy is very good i have wrote it on a big piece of paper and put it beside my bed. i know i didnt cause his problems they were caused by let just say along story but my dad has had a tough life and that not making exuces. but still when things go wrong at home i always feel it me. i know now well i always knew it wasnt me but someone deep down i always blamed me.
at the minute me and my dad arent talking at all we dont even say hello to each other. and he is off the drink too at the min but not going to any support group. if i can get anything from coming on here i would like to learn to be able to see my dad as a person and see his good points. i know its his choice to drink i can never change that. but other people think he is lovely i want to see his good points. i want to be able to love him to some extent i know now we will never have the father daughter relationshop i want but i want to at least be able to be civil.
im 23 so i want that when i get married and have kids i can invite him and let my kids know him without feeling absolute dread.
i also just want to say thanks to the people in chat who i have spoken to and have made me feel completly at home and answered my stupid question. i plan on doing this aa and sticking to it so i can get the peace some of ye have found.
