The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It really is unnerving to see a person you have known all your life, not be anything like they were.
Even when he used before, he is nothing like that drunk anymore at all either.
Have learned to detach so well I forget to go visit him in prison. I don't grieve for him or think about him anymore.
I am so glad, even though back then I was madly in love with him, that I would not even think about living with him. My kids are great people, they did not have to go through the horrible stuff that addiction brings to a person.
I do know that both my grown kids are very protective of their own kids and others kids. To not allow the disease to poison them, protecting them, they are now better people. They saw mom and grammy who did everything for them, and were not afraid to say no to them. Boundaries are a part of our lives.
It was not easy being a single parent. Though my mother was great. But I would do it again. It made me tough and I grew up. I had to be. I had to face the bigger boys shooting pellets at my son and his little friends, I had to stand up to the police who harrassed them when they were only playing basketball at a friends house. Made me a better person. NO ONE intimidates me. Especially when it comes to kids.
They don't like me visiting the A. I can tell. But they do like it when I speak of the man in my life. Even though we are close we live thousands of miles apart. Not time to get together yet. Been 9 years of communication and sharing advice, esh, and laughter, tears, anger etc.
So they do know a healthy relationship. I dld not realize how close I was to him, my close friend, until the first time I went up and saw the A. Was weird, all I could do was think about my wonderful friend.
He is real and NOT an A.
Anyway we never know what we will learn once we step away from the A's disease. For me it was nothing but good.
I'm glad for you, Debilyn. You sound happy and you have growth. Than you for sharing your feelings today.
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Yepperz... Al-anon does Rock... and I agree that the more we pull from the "A" and THEIR Issues the happy we can be... FOR ME... I have an ABrother that I have "Detached with Love" from, and tho I miss him, I don't miss the Lies, betrail, disseet, Theft, or Watching him slowly but surely Killing himself... Now I just remember all the good times we had, and let it go at that, and the trouble that he CONTINUES to get into, I leave for Him... Just as he would for ME!!!
Al-anon has taught me what "MY" growth looks like, instead of what Others looked like, I was always one to jump out and help others, but then was stuck in my own world, Lost & Confused... Now... I am Lost & Confused in Their Life. and I jumped right in the middle of mine... "Right were I'm Suppose to be" :) Only took 35 years, so I guess thats not too bad...lol....
