The material presented
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to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi everyone and thank you for this wonderful website and all the support you give.
I have not gone to any meetings yet and have only recently thought about becoming involved in anything like this. I am 30 years old, married with a 2 month old boy. My father is an alcoholic and has been since I can remember.He also smokes pot and on occasion has done other drugs. Since birth, he never hid any of this from my sister and I. He was never physically or emotionally abusive to us, although sometimes verbally, which is why I think it took me into my early 20s to see what a major impact his drinking and behavior had had on my life.
Growing up, my father was always cracking jokes, many of them sexual and would smoke pot and drink with all of my friends. Our house became the cool house to be because of him since, as early as 13 years old, my friends could come over and smoke pot and drink with an adult present and he would not only do it with you but would also provide it. He was really quirky and weirdly happy, played music real loud, danced like a hippy and cracked jokes.
This is where a lot of my guilt lies since I feel as if my laughter at his antics only encouraged his behavior more. I also feel that since we were always laughing with him, my mother was in denial and thought life was good.However, my father could be wildly inappropriate with his sexual jokes, he would fondle my mothers breasts in front of people and right in public, talk about having sex very explicitly, fart loudly and state how it was the only way to fart by sharing it, he would come up with bizarre stories and tell them at the top of lungs, carry on arguments for weeks or even months..I could really go on and on.
His behavior began to really bother me about 10 years ago and it has gotten to the point where I cannot even stand to be around him and my husband does not want our son around him. Now, every year or so, he goes off on a tangent of sorts and takes it very personally and gets extremely angry and verbally abusive if you do not agree with the matter at hand. His current thing is his refusal to wear shoes - anywhere. He wears holy t-shirts and paints his toenails black. He feels the need to call attention to his bare feet whenever in public and gets VERY offended if anyone should happen to be surprised, weirded out or completely unaccepting. This has caused many very serious arguments with him telling me to go 'xxxx' myself, etc. He even went so far as to take off his shoes at my rehearsal dinner in a 5 star restaurant with my in-laws there.When I asked to please put his shoes back on, he promptly told me to Go 'xxxx' myself loud enough so that others and my in-laws heard him.
Anyway, if you got this far, thanks for taking the time to read what I wrote. It felt good to type it for once. I find myself feeling very sad for him and myself and this gets tied into a ton of guilt for feeling like I enabled him somehow and for the fact that I dont want to be around him anymore. I know that I have a lot of emotional issues from growing up this way and have never addressed them.
I am going to go to a meeting next week and I really hope that I resolve some of my feelings and start some sort of road to recovery.
Thanks again for all of you.
-- Edited by uptheleft on Saturday 26th of September 2009 08:42:53 PM
-- Edited by canadianguy on Sunday 27th of September 2009 10:20:54 AM
You have come to the right place. Thank you for your honesty and for sharing your life with us. You are not alone.
In alanon we strive to learn how to come to terms with our past while learning how to live in the now with the help of a Higher Power , prayer, meetings, sharing.
We come to understand that we are and always have been powerless over others and that all we can do us take care of ourselves and treat others with courtesy and respect.
We have meetings here 2xs a day and a chat room open 24/7. Alanon has face to face meetings nationwide. Look up alanon in the white pages and call to find a meeting in your area. Meetings , the literature and sharing are very important to your recovery.
You are not alone and can find yourself and help here.
Please keep coming back
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 27th of September 2009 08:13:08 AM
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 27th of September 2009 10:52:07 PM
My counselor tells me that alcoholics are at an arrested state of emotional development at the age at which they began drinking -- if they do not seek recovery. It is difficult as we grow up and they don't. Keep coming back... you will learn a lot.
HI there, I am also an Adult Child of an Alcoholic, in my case the A is my step Dad ( I also married an A, from whom I am separated).
I can very much relate to the boisterous and oddly uncomfortable behaviour and jokes of my step Dad over the years, with inappropriate lewdness. When I first met him at the age of 12 yrs old, I thought, like most others that he was such a hoot and any girls dream of having such a "fun" step Dad. Over the years, it stopped being fun. I became very affected by him and the chaos of his and my Mother's relationship. I carry much of that still today. I was offered Alanon as a teenager and I declined, carrying the attitude of him being an Alcoholic is HIS problem, not MINE! What I didn't understand about Alanon before is that Alanon is about me, about my boundaries, my options, my decisions, my worth. I can interact with my step Dad much differently than what i could before. There was a time when I hated him. I don't hate him now.
I'm glad you're feeling ready for meetings. I wish you all the best. I believe it can only help us and enrich our lives by doing so.
Glad you are here. I doubt anything you did had any affect at all on your father's drinking and using. Please remember we adopt the three C's, we didn't cause, it, we can't control it and we can't cure it.
There are numerous al anon tools that can help you tremendously. I hope you will jump into the program and get help.
