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My phone rang last night about 9pm. I was not expecting it to be my A hubby. He's in rehab. 3 day down. Yesterday was 1 month since I asked him to leave our home. I don't know why he called me. I would have preferred he didn't. You see, I "think" I have detached w/love. I don't wanna talk to him or see him. I have set boundaries and I will not let him cross them. I thought I made that very clear when I asked him to leave our home that I am done...just done...threw in the towel..changing directions. I didn't ask him to leave our home and say anything to the fact that if he got help he could come back home. SOOOO...talking to him... I don't wanna hear the I don't wanna be here's..the I'm gonna do better's, the i'm learning alot's or any of it. I don't wanna give any false hope of him coming home or and negative conflicts of issues that still hurt me that i'm trying to put away in the past forget about it box. SOOO...i'm in the need of courage and wisdom. I need courage to say what I mean and to say it nicely and the wisdom to know when to say it. Any prayers or suggestions are greatly appreciated.
just done...threw in the towel..changing directions. I didn't ask him to leave our home and say anything to the fact that if he got help he could come back home. SOOOO...talking to him... I don't wanna hear the I don't wanna be here's..the I'm gonna do better's, the i'm learning alot's or any of it.
Dear Sincerely! Its tough having to give up on someone and let them go, but I have always gone by the "what does my inner heart/voice say"? My sponsor told me that people are either an addition for me or a subtraction! Kind of like the bible saying "Either a man is for me or against me" or something like that! I think that is true and when I see a relationship that I have that looks more on the negative, I have to, if I love me, re-evaluate that relationship and there are times I just have to walk away because keeping any dialogue open, even if it is at a distance, is not conducive for my spiritual and mental-emotional growth!
I know you will be ok - I see the strength and belief in your posts!
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Aloha Sincerely...For me I took 3 years working the program and gathering all the tools, awarenesses, peace of mind, serenity and self care before closing the door. It was the best three years in early growth. When HP decided I should hear a thing or two about the alcoholic I was allowed to hear it and stayed on my path. She and I finally did arrive at the point where we loved each other and didn't have a reason to be married. It had all been enabling from the time I met her.
Listen to your HP, your sponsor and your gut and heart.
I hear you. Getting those calls from Rehaab can be very disconcerting. I learned to let the calls go to phone mail and when I did pick-up, I would say I cannot talk now but I am glad you are taking care of you and trying to get well. I care about you.
The important issues, as Jerry indicated take much longer to work thru so, tae care of yourself and pray .
Read getting them Sober and underline all the stuff about rehab. I think al coholics have no boundaries so they test ours all the time. If you see his number don't answer the phone.
I can so relate to your post and I am glad that I didn't miss it.
About a month or so ago my hub and I got into an arguement. I wouldn't let him drive my car since he doesn't have a vaild license. He left the house quite angry saying he would not be back that night and what not. Well he sent me a text asking that I tell him what I want when he returned home that night. I asked him if he would please stop using. He said no.
He then told me he was going to move out. I felt so relieved because I didn't have to say anything. I didn't have to tell him that I wanted the marriage to be over and that I wanted him to leave.
Well a few weeks later. He thought we were going to be okay and I had to do it, I had to tell him. I looked at him and told him that I wanted the marriage to be over. I told him that it was a not simple matter of loving him or not. I told him that I was tired of being lonely, I was tired of trying to compete for his attention and well I just told him how I felt. I cried, but I did not yell or accuse it was just me telling him where I am at.
It was hard and I have had to do it again since that conversation, so it is getting easier. But it was so freeing to do this and it was the best form of taking care of me that I could have done.
I hope you find your courage to say what you need to.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
