The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My name is Wendy and I am the mother of one. I am surrounded by alcoholics which is what finds me here.
I am new to this board, and let me tell you how happy I am to have finally got the courage to come. I attended a couple local Alanon meetings earlier this year and it really helped, but my boyfriend found out about it, got really mad, and I stopped going to make him happy. Hindsight is always 20/20 and now I really wish I would have stayed in. Maybe it would be easier for me to get a grasp on what it is I need to be doing right now. I pray constantly that God will take my pain away, but how can he if I wont let him??
Here is a brief history of ME. I grew up in a home where my father was an alcoholic for many years...he finally gave up the booze and moved onto weed and meth. He was very verbally and physically abusive to many members of my family. I grew to hate him and our relationship became estranged. It was not until he went to prison for three years that I decided to start writing him. Our relationship changed, I forgave him. He has now been sober for 4 years and I finally after 28 years, have a father. My younger brother has now stepped into the shoes my father left behind. He is also an alcoholic. I worry daily about his drinking. He has been in numerous accidents, receieved and OWI, been arrested numerous times, had the entire left side of his face shattered...all while he was drinking. He is a good kid with a bad drinking habit. I have sat beside him and in many hospital waiting rooms hoping to find that he will live another day. It saddens me deeply. He was sober for 9 months, and this last summer started drinking again. It devastated me. And now onto my choice of men. I only choose men that have severe chemical dependencies...ones that I can fix...or try to anyways. I always fail miserably, yet I continue to find men with problems. For the last two years I have let my boyfriend live with me. Honestly when he is sober, he is wonderful...but then he drinks....and he becomes abnoxious, rude, beligerant, aggressive, and ready to fight anyone...including me. I can not take it anymore. I love him dearly, I love my father dearly, I love my brother dearly...but enough is enough. I need either a better way of coping with things, or I need to let them go. My dad is finally being good, and I pray that it stays that way. But he is an addict, and I completely understand that at any given moment...he can relapse. I often times think about taking my son and moving far away....away from it all...but I know that I can not run from my problems...they will only follow me.
Anyways, sorry for the book but I wanted to give an introduction. Really I didnt give much of one, just explained the alcoholics in my life. About me... I am an enabler, I am a fixer, I am too nice for my own good, I am a doormat to anyone that needs a good place to walk. That about sums it up.
__________________
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and Today is a Gift. Which is why they call it the present.
Aloha Wendy...Welcome home and the doors to our meetings are never locked. You can come home anytime and your seat will still be open for you. Seems like the first time you tried something clicked. Your story is open, honest and hopeful. I'm glad to see you here and will listen for when you come back from the next face to face meeting.
Welcome, thanks for the warm and honest introduction. I feel as if I know you already. Please keep coming back, read posing on the board, share and as Jerry said please find a seat in face to face alanon meeting-you will find help here and there.
Alanon saved my life and taught me how to live life with courage, serenity and wisdom.
We have meetings here in our chat room twice a day and the chat room is open 24/7 and there is usually someone there. This may be a good place to start with meetings if you are not able to get to a face to face meeting (F2F). Alanon is about you and not him.
I share at meetings that my "picker" is broken. If there is an addict anywhere in a room I will find them. Being aware of this has helped me to be more patient and to watch a person's actions and not just litsten to the their words.
When you were atteding your meetings did you hear the 3 C's of alanon? 1.) You didn't cause it 2.) You can't control it 3). You can't cure it. I, for me, add that I can contribute to it. By keeping the focus on me and not my addict husband I am not contributing to his disease.
Keep coming back. If you choose to start your recovery journey and focus on it you will not be disapointed.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
-- Edited by canadianguy on Saturday 26th of September 2009 05:51:31 PM
__________________
"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
. Hindsight is always 20/20 and now I really wish I would have stayed in. Maybe it would be easier for me to get a grasp on what it is I need to be doing right now. I pray constantly that God will take my pain away, but how can he if I wont let him??