The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After reading such sad stories here, I feel so blessed since my husband has many wonderful qualities, but I do believe he is an A. His father was one - died of liver cancer. Husband involved in church, but has been drinking since I've know him-30+years. Drinking has increased to now around 3 hard liquor drinks+maybe a couple of beers on the way home from stressful job. At the ocassional parties or concerts we go to, he drinks more and lately it seems to affect him more to the point of getting louder, etc. Sometimes when confronted, anger can be an issue. Recently, a friend told him he has a problem. After that, I told him I was concerned about his drinking and health. When he asked me what I wanted him to do about it, I told him it's up to him, but the next time he has too much to drink at a party, I will arrange a ride for him and I will leave if he won't. Not sure if this is the right approach, but I realize I have probably been an enabler for too long. I'm thinking he will get upset if I mention going to Al Anon, but I know I need it. He has not admitted he is an A. I guess that's why he can't see that other people most likely know he is and why he can't see how unhealthy his behavior is. I'm so thankful for his friend who confronted him since he thought I was always overreacting. I'm also thankful for a place like this to come to and open to any suggestions.
-- Edited by artie on Monday 21st of September 2009 04:43:38 PM
-- Edited by artie on Monday 21st of September 2009 04:45:30 PM
I'm glad you are here. Al-Anon is a program to help people who are affected by someone elses drinking, whether they are still drinking or not. You like everyone in Al-Anon fit that catagory. The disease of alocholism is progressive, and only gets worse over time, taking over the mind, body, and spirit. It is a cunning, baffling disease. You need to seek help even if your A does not.
Please try to start attending Al-Anon face to face meetings. They are not for the A in you life. They are for you. You will find out the most important thing when dealing with an A is to always take care of yourself first. The time to start "your" recovery is now.
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Monday 21st of September 2009 12:08:19 PM
I am sure it took alot to get were you are, and you have definately came to the right place... This program has been a blessing in my life and I have only been here 9 short months.. The Love and understand that we find here, is like no other... The Main thing is YOU KEEP COMING BACK :) You took a big step getting here, and should be proud of yourself for doing so...
Like said above, this program is FOR YOU not the alcoholic in your life, and you will be amazed at what you learn about the disease of alcoholo once you start doing the work, and reading the books that are available for Al-anon. There are Meetings on Line as well as finding one in your neighborhood, Face to Face meetings in My Mind are the BEST, but if you can't get to them the ones on line are as helpful in times of need... :)
I came here this past Jan. AFTER Losing my Father to the disease of alcohol... I have learned more about his disease now then I ever thought possible, and it helps me better understand what "He" had to deal with in his life time with BOTH his parents being alcoholics, and his father taking his own life...
I can now say my father was an alcoholic instead of saying he was a drunk... I have fought my own battles with this cunning disease, and I fight it about everyday, so being here as really brought alot of insight in to a world at one point that was quite foggy...
I hope you find what you need here, I know I have... The People are very supporting, and caring. Something growing up with an alcoholic wasn't availible for me..
No matter what is going on with him, it is about YOU.. Taking Care of you and loving yourself enought to do just that... You can get that here as long as you are ready for the work.. :)
I an also a Cody/enabler and I have learned many tools here to help me with that... The first thing I studied up on in my program was "Detachment" you can read of it here, and it is a great place to start :) Also there is a great book called "Getting them Sober" it has a lot of great information in it...
I hope that you Keep coming back and sharing your story, because will be amazed at the people you help by doing so... We are all here for one another to move forward in our lives... One Day At A Time...
Hello , I am sure u have been told by him that you are the one with the problem , not him . seems to be a favorite tactic of the alcoholics I have known , so as for going to Al-Anon meetings tell him that his drinking is causing you a problem so your going for yourself . your not accusing him of being an alcoholic your simply stating the truth , his drinking bothers you. taking care of youself by finding your own way home is the right thing to do , why would u want to endanger your life by driving with a drunk ? Leave him to explain why your going home to the friends , u don' tneed to justify why your doing anything to anyone . We have a part in this mess and until we stop doing for them what they should be doing for themselves nothing changes , why should it ? we always make them look good . learning to take care of our own needs takes time , since we have catered to the alcoholic for so long we have no life left of our own , as obsession leaves we find ourselves again , that is our miracle and what we find in this program . good luck Louise
...WELCOME TO THE MIP FAMILY... 