The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's been a long time since I visited this site. Left my AH (20 years together) a little over a year ago, it was tough we were divorced in May. We have two wonderful children that we share together. Problem is my ex-AH continues to be such an angry man. He's always blowing up in front of the children or calls me on the phone and yells when they are sitting right there by him. I am trying so hard not to engage, he can turn the littlist thing into a big negative. It is really getting to me and today I had to leave work, had big knot in my stomache and felt like I could jump out of skin. I just came home and had a good cry and a nap. It helped. I guess I just wonder is it ever going to stop...I wish a could totally break contact with him but the kids.
Now to top it off he has a girlfriend he has been bringing around them and from what I hear her and her family are just a mess too. I'm sure he feels more comfortable around her, she's a big drinker too. Wish I could take my kids and run away with them but they love there dad and he loves them. I guess I should just be thankful for that.
On the bright side other than this setback today, I have been doing GREAT all in all. New friends, lots of fun, finding my old self again, look and feel better than I have in years but still emotionally unavaible. I had been let down and mistreated for such a long time, I sometimes wonder if I will ever be able to trust again. When a guy is interested in me I just shut down. I think that is what really upsets me. I feel damaged.
Are you getting to face to face meetings Marsh....? and does your phone have an off button? Both of which I used under the same conditions. It works if you work it. (((((hugs)))))
The anger and negativity of which you speak, is so familiar. It has subsided astronomically since my ex has become sober, but edges of it still exist. I finally got to the point where I would say as little as possible/verbally express myself (just the facts and things like "uh huh", "you may be right", "yeah"..) but use simple email and texting to communicate other issues. At first I thought it was frustrating to "not be heard", but then I realized I was never heard anyway, and every situation was just misinterpreted, twisted, and fueled so that I had more to say, and that would make more issues, and make me more frustrated... Yep, insanity!
Glad that overall you are doing GREAT. Crying (or sobbing) really does help. Do you got to F2F meetings? Though I have a sponsor and am a part of this online group, I need those meetings. It is so comforting to sit with, and see the faces of so many who understand.
Keep coming back and hang in there.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Sounds like he is still trying to hook you. Pull you into an argument. In the Getting Them Sober books she talks about it. It is part of the cycle and I am trying to get out of it like Loupiness says, "oh", hmmmm, catch you later. Keep working your program.
My Ex ABF has a real anger problem too. I'm lucky that we never did have kids because I imagine that does complicate the situation. Something I'm learning is that you really have to set boundaries for yourself and your children. If he doesn't accept them then maybe he shouldn't be around the kids. I know a good cry and a nap really can help. You have to take care of you. Take what you like and leave the rest.
