The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I woke up this morning with my head on my lab and my hands tucked under his nice warm belly(ya think I need a boyfriend or what??:)), feeling a huge sense of peace and happiness, an overwhelming gratitude for the many blessings in my life and for the people and events that got me where I am today.If you would have told me last year this time that I would be here now I would have sworn you were crazy.I learned since, that we all get where we need to be, right when we need to get there.
I spent many long years numb to life, people and circumstances.The numbness was a comfort to me, a constant that I could count on to always be there.It never changed, never lied, and was trustworthy and reliable.It was my best friend for years.I used to laugh when people would call me cold or numb (had I not been numb I would imagine that might have hurt-lol ) (I shared some of this with Runner Chick earlier today)
Last year something in me changed, and I realized I wanted to feel and wanted more in my life and my sons. I wanted the second half of my life to be as happy as the first half was miserable!I wanted happiness for myself, and for the first time in a long time I realized that I deserve it.I wanted peace and serenity, I wanted to feel, even if it hurt, and WOW did it hurt! In the beginning it was like a waterfall of years and years worth of every emotion good or bad coming out all at once and I had no idea what was going on. It was scarey to me and I'm sure to EXABF because he got to witness the majority of it all at once, but it was followed, some time afterward, by a calmness and a peace that was amazing and a desire to keep that feeling alive no matter what it took.
Today, I feel everything, good and bad, but much more good than bad, and it all comes from withinJ My happiness comes from me. And the journey is never ending. I can lay on my roof (yeah Im a bit of a redneck chickJ) and get lost in the stars. I can walk outside and lift my chin to the rain, and feel it on my face, and be perfectly happy. I can walk in the woods and smell the dew on the ground, see the ever changing leaves and feel the chill in the air and know that my favorite season is upon me, and that I am right where I am meant to be, and that I am truly blessed.
Fall must be in the air!
Love and peace,
Shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
There have been times in my life that I am blind to all the wonderful things around me because I am obsessing on the bad. And there are times I am blind because looking might result in seeing something I don't want to see.
When I first started going back to AlAnon, people would ask "How are you doing?" Then I would go into all the problems with my brother and his family. It took a lady at AlAnon to stop and say "Kathy. I asked 'How are YOU doing?'"
So, lately, when someone askes how I am doing, even though I still have all my brother's problems jumping into my head, I say "I am doing great, as long as I don't borrow other people's problems."
For those of you who have seen my posts, you know it can be difficult to draw that line sometimes. But I am getting better at it. And it is giving me much more peace.
If the things that are coming to the surface now at my brother;s house came to surface 6 months ago, I would be a nervous wreck!
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Serenity is not freedom from the storm but peace within the storm.
I agree with smart kat, and I love your attitude. We are always in control of the way we feel and react.
But, you also need to know I woke up this morning simular to you. Only it was my "Black Lab Ellie', and I'm married. Just between you and I, there are only two kinds of dogs, Labs and the others. Please don't tell anyone else on the board. LOL
