The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Its a lovely Thursday afternoon here in South Louisiana, the rain has finally stopped and the weather is crisp. I can feel fall just around the corner.
For many years, I have referred to my life as to what was going on during that time. For example, before my dad died, after my dad died, when i was single, when we got together, when he was sober, before i filed for divorce, when i came back and so on. Well, since coming to alanon i've learned that I don't have to "spill all the beans" everytime i am in a conversation that relates to one of those periods in my life, I have found some relief, as alanon has helped me find myself again.
I guess my point today is that each period of our life are seasons in which we must go through in order to grow. It's up to us to Let Go and Let God do his work in us in order to be a better person come fall, winter, spring and summer. It's because of alanon that I am able to recognize that. It's because of alanon that I can let my mind venture out of today for a little while towards looking forward to the next season. Many times in the past I thought I was being tested or challenged. Most of the times the "tests or challenges" caught me way off guard. Now, I realize that I was being prepared for what is yet to come. I'm still getting my ducks in a row, but I'm am somewhat prepared. Last year I learned what it means to be greatful. That prepared me for what I am going through right now. Now, I have to be 100% financially responsible for myself. Without the tools of alanon I'd be freaked out to the max.
I'm gonna get through this season. And can't wait for what God has next for me on the agenda.
I have found that Alanon gives me back the tool to EXPERIENCE and live in the present. I cannot explain WHY but, it seems my entire life has been a series of attemps to numb the perpetual pain I've felt of just BEING RunnerChick. I have ALWAYS felt I was made as 'less than' and so I MUST always expect to receive LESS THAN and must always be vigilant and on guard to life's curve balls as they would SURELY come my way. I would limit my dreams because I belived I didn't DESERVE them and would remain in unhealthy places because I felt it was my birthright.
Because of the Alanon program I am GRATEFUL to be able to say that I have learned to experience LIFE again. That part of me tha I SHUT OFF - that connection to the self, that could feel the crisp breeze and take in the beauty of flowers and mountains is STILL fighting to get out. I would look at gorgeous sunsets and other breathtaking scenes and feel NOTHING. I would PRAY for some sort of emotional reaction to all that was around me. I would PRAY to feel it in my bones and be able to experience instead of having the perpetual void/numbness. Pushing through this numbness seems like a good TOPIC for another post - I think I may cut and paste :)
Thank you so much for your share - again - so much was stirred within me!!
Well, since coming to alanon i've learned that I don't have to "spill all the beans" everytime i am in a conversation that relates to one of those periods in my life, I have found some relief, as alanon has helped me find myself again.
It's up to us to Let Go and Let God do his work in us in order to be a better person come fall, winter, spring and summer. It's because of alanon that I am able to recognize that. Now, Without the tools of alanon I'd be freaked out to the max. I'm gonna get through this season. And can't wait for what God has next for me on the agenda. Sincerely, Tonya
Dear (((((Tonya)))))
Your story is just beautiful and you bet God has some wonderful stuff for you because, in my humble opinion, you stepped out in faith and basically said "Ok, God, I am putting myself in your hands! Do with me as you will"
I am inspired reading your story! Keep up the great work and, yes, get ready for all the good he has for you! I notice that when I am humble and declare my dependence on my God and healthy interdependence on my alanon family, I am so much better and open for my good! Life has not been easy since my split and I have had some real financial scares, but alanon kept me balanced enough and open enough to really give myself over in step 3 and its like magic! I have always turned out either ok or even better than I had hoped!
You take care and may tons of blessings come your way!
Neshema
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
