The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I received guidance from another web forum to visit Al-Anon. I am afraid to go to an actual face-to-face meeting for fear that it will enrage my husband. I have been married to him for 17 years. He has been a heavy drinker the whole time. I have screamed, cried, threatened, and just about everything else that people who are married to or in love with alcoholics do. I know I need to fix "me". I just need to know where and how to start. I feel powerless against him and his drinking. Why do all people in love with alcoholics try to fix them? I can be told all day long not to count his drinks or confront him when he's been drinking, but like I told the people on the other forum, I feel like I am the one with the disease. I can't stop!
hi and welcome and actually you are the one with the problem at the moment . looking for booze , confronting etc are such a waste of time I am sure u could find somthing more construtive to do with your time . * hugs* . Obessing about someone else we loose ourselves in the process . what a waste . You may try telling your husb your going to meetings because his drinking is causing u a problem and your going to go do something about that . your not accusing him of being alcohlic your admitting you have a problem . period I am sure u have been told that your over reacting and that your the one with the problem before , husb like to make sure that we know WE are the problem not them . Unless of course your living in a violent situation then that changes everything . They adjust to our going to meetings eventually , thier just afraid that your talking about them , have no idea that they are the last thing we talk about . hehe. perhaps u could find a daytime meeting in your area . cities have them morning noon and nite . good luck . Lousie
((((((Mo)))))))), Welcome to MIP. Glad you found us, you are not alone.
To answer one of your statements, you do have the disease...you have the family disease of alcoholism/addiciton. You are affected by a loved ones drinking.
Pre-alanon I was not able to be sane while my husband continued to drink and drug. I was so wrapped up in what he was doing/not doing and trying to save him. I thought if I changed me to be the better person then he would change to. Boy was I wrong.
The three C's of alanon were a life save. You diddn't cause the alcoholis, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. You are right you do need to fix you and you should be proud, coming here was a step in the right direction.
We have meetings two times a week here everyday in the chatroom. The chatroom is open 24/7 and typically you can find someone in the room. This board is a great source of ESH (experience, strength and hope). We come here and share what were are learning, how we are growing, our joys, our sorrows and together we help one another.
I hope you keep coming back. It works if you work it and your worth it.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
Welcome to MIP.... Posting and reading sites like here is a great starting point, and also I'd recommend you read "Getting Them Sober", volume one, written by Toby Rice Drews. (I give them away free if you need one).
Hopefully one day, you will feel safe to go to meetings - until then, these are good helpers...
Take care Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Aloha MO!! and welcome. You are qualified for face to face meetings and there is a chair already waiting for you to get to it...believe me. Fear of how my alcoholic wife would react made me do a couple of knee jerks but not serious enough to stop me from getting into the rooms. She did think that I was "ratting" her out and like Abby mentioned she was the last thing I thought to talk about. We get fearful and the alcoholic is always fearful. Anyhow if you seriously want the best help you can get...go to the meetings in your area and talk to people who can also wear your shoes. If he gets pissed....raise both of your hands palms up to about shoulder height and say ..."oh well". LOL I only suggest what I've tried myself. I went for me and still go for me and to learn how to help new comers and do service to the Family Groups.
