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Hey all... Sorry I have not been much of a help or support here of late, the excuses really don't matter, so I wouldn't waist your time...
I have been doin some "inner Demon" searches here of late, tryin to figure out what makes me tick, and frankly what Ticks me Off... And well, the numbers are unrulie...lol.. I have learned alot about myself, and I think alot of that had to do with working on my Step 4 (Which is NOWHERE Near Complete) but then again it is Progress...
Lately I have been getting these Headaches that I just can't seem to put a finger on, and Honestly I thought at first it was a Sinus thing, and then I thought "Work Stress" and then Everyday Drama, but Since they started I have accually been quite Calm... I don't know that Serene would be the word, but I have been handling things a little better then normal when it comes to the "Family Drama, Work Slow, Husband Pissy", you name it...I have to see my Doc, next month, so I am goin to journal the when and were of the headaches and see if she and I can figure out what is triggering them. So Prayers would be Awesome...
Example of my progress :) ... Yesterday My "Cody" Momma, which I love with ALL my heart, stopped to give me the "Low Down" on ABrother... Well thru the grape vine she heard that he got caught "Stealing" checks from his work...
I didn't even change face expressions, I just told her that I sent him a text when I had a picture of "AFathers" Headstone on my phone and that was the last I heard from him...She proceeded to tell me that "She" called his Phone, and told him "She Knew What He Did", and that "She taught, he should tell his boss he needs Rehab"...lol... I just looked at her, and said... "Sooooo How'd that work for ya?", She looked at me, and said "About as good as the last thousand times I did it, now he wont speak to me"... I said to her, "Mom, He doesn't answer your calls because he KNOWS everytime you call it is to tell him "What HE DID WRONG", (And it is)... I said... He KNOWS what he did wrong... He Did It... He don't need your reminders, and not only that he is 30 yrs. old..." She just looks at me with those puppy eyes like "Yeah I know"...
So for me that was BIG... I didn't let it change ONE THING in my day, I didn't give it "Power" or a second thought once she walked out that door, and I can honestly say that I felt pretty dang proud of myself for NOT Jumpin on the "Poor John" Band wagon, and even being apart of it...
Yeah I would like to knock the crap out of him for being stupid, but.... I have learned thanks to the help of MIP that (Its NOT My Problem), I didn't cause it, Can't Cure it, and it is NONE of my Business...
Also for those that follow along with me, I got to speak to my Neice & Nephew that moved to FL couple weeks ago... I got to speak to them both, and he has joined Boy Scouts, she is signin up for Girl Scouts, they are goin to Church on a bus every Sun, & Wens. He is doin well in school, and she is learning alot about Healthy bodys (She is WAY Over weight for a 7 year old), and she is starting to excerise and be more active...
Last week when I spoke to my ASister about them, she told me that were SOOO depressed, and wasn't themselves, and hated it, and just about had me ready to pack up and go get them...Then When I speak to them they seem happier then they have been being up here around there Amom & ADad fighting all the time... Do I agree with their AMothers Choices to move them there... NOPE... But... They can tell me if they are OK... And I know in my heart that the oldest will not lie to me about whats goin on, he is just not kinda kid... He will tell you Straight out when something is on his mind, and to me... He sounded like he was finally gettin to do something fun for himself, and he is being a Great Big Brother to his sister, and helping her exercise and do things.. They never got a chance to do here...Like goin to the beach all the time...
So My "ASisters" DRAMA was just that, she wanted me to feel as bad as she does about them being there, (And I do Feel Bad), but I also know that it is out of my control, and that all i can do now, is pray for them, & hope that someday, they will return home, happy & healthy...
I don't know that I would have got to this place without the help of ACA/Al-Anon... Well I know I wouldn't have... I was always one to "Get Comfortable" in life, and if it aint broke don't fix it... But I have resently learned that "I LOVE LIFE", I love gettin out of bed in the morning, and just standin on my porch suckin in fresh clean air, I love watchin my boy work the soccer field like he is on a mission from God, I love holding my Grandbabies when they are tryin to tell me story's I just don't get...lol... I love watching the pride in my husband when he gets his 1st deer of the year, I love sittin on my back deck throwin the ball with my dogs...
I guess what I am gettin at, is this... Currantly all over the world someone we know, or Ourselves are stuggling to survive..I know our company has took its biggest hit in 22 years, but were still here... I have learned that in times like this I realize what I need, and what spent just because I could.. So This tough time, has shown me the "Waisted Money" I have spent, the waisted time I spent worring, and the waisted anger I spent on things Out of my Control.. I am a Firm believer that those that don't struggle don't live, for how else would you learn to grow in life if, you never had to struggle... Struggle to me is Progress... ;)
I am slowly learning to cut back on my "Projecting", and I am slowly learning that its OK not to have Complete Control... And I have learned that at times I LOVE not having Control, for then I don't have the stress that goes with it...Its funny how picking myself apart.. Piece by piece by Piece... Tho it is quite trying at times, it has brought So Much to my life that I never would have found if not for this program... Things that most would take for granted, I am now embrassing, and loving to be apart of...
Yepperz... I still have those days were I wonder "What Next", but then I resort back to the "One Day at a Time, for this to Shall Pass", and MANY other slogans and they carry me thru... I just wanted to say thank you to all that has helped me get to this point... I know that I still have along way to go, and I am OK with that... For the Journey so far has been Quite a Ride, and I can only imagine what my HP has in store for me next... I am so Blessed to have my HP in the drivers seat, and me just being able to Ride Shot Gun...
Life is a good as I Make it, and mine is slowly turning its way back to a life I can be proud of, and I can accept with an open mind, and an open heart... What more could a girl ask for???
Thanks for letting me Share... Love to here from ya's :)
Changes are not easy in my book. I try to be patient and flexible, but fear often wins. I will wish we both have courage and work towards HPs will for us.
......Lately I have been getting these Headaches that I just can't seem to put a finger on, and Honestly I thought at first it was a Sinus thing, and then I thought "Work Stress" and then Everyday Drama, but Since they started I have accually been quite Calm... I don't know that Serene would be the word, but I have been handling things a little better then normal when it comes to the "Family Drama, Work Slow, Husband Pissy", you name it...I have to see my Doc, next month, so I am goin to journal the when and were of the headaches and see if she and I can figure out what is triggering them. So Prayers would be Awesome...
