The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So last night I get home and my best friend texts me... Says the ex bf came thru her line at walmart just now and told her to tell me hi and to come by tomorrow for a donut (he works at krispy kreme). So I go to my pta meeting... good place to meet normal people :D and then call her and talk during a long walk. I get all the details and for some reason the switch tripped in me and I decided I'm having nothing more to do with him. First off he hates this girl and always has and he comes specifically to her line and tells her to tell me hi? He relates all these details about all the things he has been doing for his 'friends' all day long (I don't merit any time from him) and makes sure she knows that he's off today. So I decided I'm tired of trying to figure out what's going on in his head. I'm tired of the game or the dance or whatever we are doing here. I feel as though he is trying to keep me on a string and yet be free. So I finally cut the cord. I blocked him from my online accounts and made it so only friends can see my information. I blocked his number in my phone so he can't call or text me. I feel as though the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. At this point he would have to BEG to have me back and even then I'm not sure I would go. I know that I'll probably "run into" him in the next few weeks because I think he needs his fix of seeing me every so often and that time is about due (I think that's what the come by for donuts thing was all about). I just have to quit worrying about what he's thinking/doing and start putting all the focus on me and what I'm thinking and doing. Lost 6 lbs so far on my 90 day journey of self improvement.. :D It's day 10 today I'm already 1/10 of the way there. If I can keep this up I'll lose 60 lbs in 90 days. I'm thinking positive here :D.
I feel as though he is trying to keep me on a string and yet be free. So I finally cut the cord. I blocked him from my online accounts and made it so only friends can see my information. I blocked his number in my phone so he can't call or text me. I feel as though the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. At this point he would have to BEG to have me back and even then I'm not sure I would go.
Dear CG
NOW your talking! The scenario you are describing here is "trauma bonding" where the abuser throws out enough "crumbs" to confuse the victim- Keep her guessing with niceties and then the abusive treatment- It is a very sick game and eventually it can lead the victim to become so depressed and enmeshed with this sickness that she cannot break free, sometimes!
Very good thinking "cutting the cord"! I hope you can just totally avoid him so your system can get off needing him and you see what a better world it is without him! I got sick reading about how he treated you and I just kept thinking that if you loved yourself at all, you would come to see this and take care of you! Looks like your program and HP kicked into high gear for you! The work is never over (recovery) but when we see a breakthrough like this it is worth it right?
Good work!
Neshema
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I know I did not get anywhere with the ex unless I took it one day at a time. One day at a time I chose not to deal with him. I gave up thinking about what he wanted, needed, thought. I started to invest in me. I have to say it was very very hard. I was hard wired to be sucked into his vortex. I didn't ban or block him anytime. I just ignored him and continue to do so. I also went out of my way to avoid any of h is friends or family.
I can't say any of this was easy for me. I felt like a part of me had been ripped open doing it.
