What is my role in AHs recovery? - Al-Anon Family Group

vareporter · Newbie

What is my role in AHs recovery?

MyThoughts2U2 · Veteran Member

Welcome! That is great that your husband is taking the right steps towards sobriety. I don't know all the answers of course, but I think that one way to support your husband is to also make the same committment to sobriety. From my experience with many alcoholics, it is helpful to make the same committment to refrain from drinking while also attending Alanon. Good luck and of course, your decision is yours and your Higher Power is ultimately in charge.

kitty · ~*Service Worker*~

hello and welcome. get to face to face meetings (fast), pick up pamphlets, get phone numbers, listen, share if u want to. Work ur program with a sponsor and learn to foucs on YOU and detach with love from your AH. All u can control or change is YOU.

The book getting them sober by toby rice drews helps.

If u want to support your AH by not drinking, that is fine but know they often resent us for quitting so easily. All they want is to drink normally. He will have to face himself and take responsibility for his own behavior. It doesnt have anything to do with you.

The best & most effective way to support ur AH is work a good program, focus on you, set & follow thru on boundaries.

We all have to learn how to get out each other's heads - and focus on and change ourselves. You can find mtgs here: www.al-anon.alateen.org

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha vareporter...over time I learned more and more and some of it was sooo basic.
The language of recovery is very nearly the same in both AA and Al-Anon. There
are major similarities as Al-Anon came to be from the wives and families of early
alcoholics.    Suggestion start attending Al-Anon "NOT FOR HIM" for you which
will then evolve into a "WE" thing.   Marriage and family is a "WE" thing. Al-Anon
and AA are "WE" programs. People helping people over the years which then
evolved into a "Fellowship" of milliions reaching out to others so that they can
find sobriety and serenity and then reach out to others still.

I hear that alcohol is important to you also. It has become an "issue" because it
is a powerful rite of existence. My wife use to consider having it or not having it
and I let her make up her own decision (I am a dual member of Al-Anon and AA).
So far she has not had even a glass of wine that I know of over the pass 20
years of our relationship and 15 years of marriage and it doesn't look or sound
that important anymore.   That you would have some second thoughts or remorse
about not having "a glass of wine" whenever is similar to the alcoholic arriving at
the thought that they can never....ever....drink again and have a life at the same
time.

LOL I use to love a good wine with dinner also and I found one once by referral
from a drinking cousin.   I loved that wine...1973 Mirasou Chennin Blanc 5 star
Cal State award winner.   I once took a friend of mine down to the liquor store
to get more because we had run out around dinner time.    "No more" the clerk
said...You've bought out our very last bottle.   I loved a good wine for dinner and
dining out (would go 50+ miles to get that Mirasou thingy) I bought every one I
would come across in three counties and every where I went. They should have
issued me stock along with the bottles.

Give the program a try (((((hugs))))) smile

vareporter · Newbie

thank you-all for your advice and support. I will definitely find an al-anon meeting to attend. As I said, I want to do all I can to support my AH during his recovery. I'm still in a quandary as to how I go about dealing with all of this. Hopefully, I will find the answers here, and at meetings, and be able to keep my family together. Until next time. . . .

db55 · Veteran Member

I haven't been here in a while and I am about to post something myself, but I read yours first.... I have to say that it took me a few years before I decided that I would not drink around my AH -- I really am not sure of all the reasons I didn't want to give it up, but I finally came to realize that I would do that to support him and that it would benefit me to do that. It did benefit me. I am glad that I did. Now, after about a year.... I do have a glass of wine or a drink around him, but I feel better when I don't.

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