The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Over 2 weeks ago my husband got suspended from work for refusing to take a drug/alcohol test.
He told me that his company offered to let him keep his job if he enters a drug/alcohol program that lasts 5 years. It's the same program that the Board of Pharmacy uses and he'll probably have to enter it anyway once the Board finds out about his DUI.
Anyway, he contacted the woman in charge of the program and she said that he is on too many pain meds for his back problems to enter the program, so he has to go see a certain doctor. He went to the doctor and the doctor told him that he needs to be off his pain meds and told him that there is a place in Tucson where he can go (it's a pain management clinic/addiction clinic).
So now this is where it gets overwhelming. He was told that he cannot go back to work until he starts the 5-year drug/alcohol program. He can't start that program until he goes to the pain management clinic. The clinic says it will take 45 days and over $60K (yes, you read that correctly, $60,000) to get him off his pain medications and help him to manage his back pain.
All this on top of the jail time and numerous fines he has coming up for his DUI. We don't have that kind of money for this pain management program. Heck, we're already running very low on funds as it is with him being out of work for over 2 weeks.
The only thing we can hope for is that his work will agree to let him go on long-term disability while he's at the pain management clinic. Then once he's done with that he can get into the 5-year drug/alcohol program and get back to work.
I am so overwhelmed right now, I just don't know what to do. It's all so scary. I can't get a job because we have a 4-year old son who only goes to preschool 3 days a week for 2 hours. Besides, any job I get won't even pay for daycare.
I'm kicking myself right now for never doing anything with my life. I wish I had gone to college - I just feel so useless and helpless right now.
I'm 'xxxx' off that all these problems have been caused by my husband's drinking. It just seems like things keep getting worse and worse.
I guess I should be grateful I have Al-Anon - without my friends and my meetings, I'd be more of a basket case than I am right now.
I'm thinking about seeing an attorney to find out what my rights are. I'm sure I can find at least one attorney who will give me a free consultation???
I have no idea where I'm going with this post - just venting I guess. Thanks for listening.
-- Edited by canadianguy on Thursday 10th of September 2009 11:58:20 PM
How very stressful and frustrating. I was in a similar position when I realized I couldn't trust my AH with our pre-school child, and it was hard to afford the daycare for me to do my own job. One thing has helped, but it takes some time to get going -- but it was worth every minute I put into it. I began doing childcare exchanges with friends, relatives, and basically any reliable parent I could get my hands on. For instance this month I'm looking after my son and Friend 1 of his on Mondays, and on Tuesdays they both go to Friend 1's house. Then on Thursdays I look after my son and Friend 2, and on Fridays they both go to Friend 2's house. Other parents have been invaluable for this kind of thing. Most parents are pretty desperate with having to juggle childcare and work anyway, and are so grateful for this kind of thing. Another thing I did for a while was that a friend who needed a place to live moved into my spare room and lived with us for two years in exchange for a set number of hours a week of childcare.
It might also be worthwhile to look into what social services you qualify for.
It's been hard setting things up so I never have to rely on my A (now ex) H for childcare, but so, so much worth it for the peace of mind and sense that I have everything I need to take care of my son.
They usually have a child care program there. You could get grants etc. and get you some education!
Just an option maybe?
ONE day at a time. Do what you can, then rest. Enjoy your little one.
I learned to leave all the dui, drug stuff, job stuff whatever to my AH. It is his problem not mine. I let him figure it out.
I learned to take care of me. So you can focus just on you and your little one, I invite you to sit down and write down what your options are.
In Oregon there is a Lawyer Referral Service. You just pay thirty five dollars for a half hour. You can call any attorney and ask about where to find info.
It's always darkest before the dawn, surely work has to pay for his rehab clinic, you need to check into this....I think it's the law....when my husband passed from this awful disease....I was left penniless not even an insurance policy.
It has taken me two years to get back on my feet but I am getting there....I know the frustration...just think..you can get there too it just doesn't happen overnight.
I felt incredibly tied to the ex A for a long long time. The more I worked the program the clearer I got. I know that isn't exactly what anyone wants to hear but the more I detached from him and his huge mess the more I was able to get on with my own life.
