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It's been just two and a half weeks since the divorce and I am losing it! I am not able to concentrate on anything and I am not motivated to do anything. I have company coming this weekend and I just can't get myself in gear to clean house, do laundry, fix meals, just the everyday things that must be done.
I had my counselor tell me that I may be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) from my abusive alcohollic marriages. I think she may be right. Some symptoms of PTSD include flashbacks; intrusive thoughts and memories; hyperreactiviity; avoidance of persons, places, things, and other triggers; jumpiness and other symptoms.
I am seriously considering canceling the visit this weekend, because I don't want the person to see the condition of my house or it's premises. I am just not up to being judged. And I am afraid that this person will judge me, although I am not at all certain of that. Of course I know that it is none of my business what others think of me and I try to keep that in mind at all times, but geesh...I am ashamed of myself.
I have always been a neat and well organized person, until the past five years...I have just slowly fallen further and further from my usual norm. I want to get back to where I was and I am actively working on myself through the al-anon program and through counseling. I hope I get to where I am more serene than I am today.
I just needed to get this off my chest and put it "out there" to see if others who have been through similar situations have had the same struggle.
Thanks, Overcome
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
I have been in that place many times. I do not think there is anything wrong with calling your visitor and postponing it to a date in the future. You just don't seem up to it and when you are pressured it is even worse. I think you would feel a lot better. You are still grieving the loss of your marriage and you need time to heal.
sounds like a good idea to take care of you at this time and be extra kind & gentle to yourself. Sometimes a visit is more of a performance/obligation, nothing wrong with saying u cant do it right now.
I did have ptsd when I left my exAH, from seeing memories & situations played out in my head, re living fights, I even had nightmares in which I would wake up expecting him to be standing over me, trying to choke me. He had threatened to kill me & my whole family, ugh.
Take ur time and do what u need to to get passed the grief and reconcile ur emotions & (perhaps even) past issues. In hindsight, for my divorce I had wished I had done some grief counselling, to help me get passed it.
Take care of YOU whatever that looks like. You are in our thoughts & prayers.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Cancel your weekend for your own health. I had PTSD right after my husband's affair. The phone would ring and I would jump into the air. I could barely go out to get milk, b/c the thought of the crowd was overwhelming, I stayed in bed all day, ate or didn't eat depending on the day...it's no joke - the hypersensitivity is horrible.
Try to focus on things that make YOU feel better...not your guests.
When I first split with my ExAH, It was on a Friday! About 2 weeks after it was official, my neighbor whom I really love, was having a party! She wanted me to come and "get away from it all". I was very happy that she cared for me, but I declined! I needed to shut down and process my loss!
I cried, nurtured me and reached out to loving family and friends and basically shrunk my circle as I grieved!
Be it a nasty split or a not so nasty split (He wrote me some somewhat better emails), but he basically accepted my decision to end it! but no matter, I had spent 17 years with this man! Yes, I had some grieving to do! And the adjustment to being single again! The change was a "hay maker"! Right, but oh so scary and different!
I think any change even if it is for the better is scary and painful and needing adjustment!
Hug yourself for the courage to do what you did to take care of you! I know when my ExAH left, I snuggled up with a stuffed toy, paid extra attention to the pets and, yes, I cried a lot! I knew I had done the right thing, but it still was a loss!
I hope you take care of you and my prayer is that you keep working on your program and keeping the focus on you.
May you find peace and comfort soon
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I know I set myself up repeatedly with unreasonable expectations. Post break up its normal to have some kind of a melt down. I know I am still having one two years out.
It is normal to be grieving a loss. Break ups are very hard. You need to let yourself rest and take time for self care and to nurture yourself. If you are not up to having this person over then I would just tell them the truth you are not up to it or are not feeling well. Take time to grieve and process everything. Then go out and spend time with people or a person that really cares about you and wants the best for you.
Big hug for you! I too had or still have PTSD. If you need the time and solitude for healing, grieving or just being you go right ahead and take it. BUT if this is a person visiting that you are comfortable enough to tell them how you feel about being ashamed of your organization and house at the moment, along with how you are grieving ... you could be extremely pleasantly surprised at how a person can understand that and not give one hoot what your home or you or anything else looks like, only how you really are. I used my PTSD as a way of isolating myself and avoiding the real world ... when really there is a very understanding real world out there and there were times it would have done me more good to see that than to sit around looking at all the stuff I knew I should be doing around home. All that comes back in time when you start finding yourself again and not focusing on surviving mentally. You'll know what is best for you! No matter what have a great weekend and take it one step at a time
oc, give yourself a break, you are grieving. I relate, then since January I have come alive.
You will get healed when ya do. Can you afford to have someone come clean for you? Can you just tidy up a little, even if you have to hide stuff?
I would like to say you need to have company. It will help you. Pull you out of the pit some.
You will be ok hon. Maybe get some flowers and then you will want the house to look and smell nice so they get attention.
Flowers inside encourage me to get stuff together Oc. I got some begonias, they can be inside year round. I have this cool pink one that is just loaded with blossoms.
Be nice to you. Its ok to be where you are! I mean it, you are getting better even now.
Thanks everyone for your responses. It really helps to know my MIP family cares about me when I'm grieving. It also helped when my f2f group showed concern for me through my sponsor calling me to see if I was alright when I had missed two meetings. Al-Anon support is such a great gift!
I took the advice that some of you gave and called my friend and explained the situation and told them that I really wanted to see them, but that I was grieving and my house was pretty much a mess and just couldn't muster the motivation to clean. They understood perfectly and told me not to worry about it, they had suffered from depression too and it would be ok in time.
They wanted to come anyway and offer their support, for which I was grateful. Thanks for all your words of encouragement and support.
Overcome
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
