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Woops said something in Jennifers thread that really spoke to me.
You mention that by talking about your past with A's it opens the doors to new A's. #1 - you tell them you date A's #2 - I'm an A so I need to hide it.
Wow! That's exactly what my exabf had to think. I didn't give him all the details of my life, but he knew my dad is an A and my exh was abusive. I didn't put up with either of them, so he HAD to know I wouldn't put up with his.
Eventually his drinking just couldn't be hidden any more. Even to the very end he kept trying to hide it though - drinking when I wasn't around, when I went to sleep before him, etc. They must think we're naive and won't notice. He wanted to convince me that my "perception" was off. Like I was the crazy one.
Although I understand much more about the sickness and it's behaviors, I am still baffled (amazed, really) by just how deeply it affects the mind as far as the delusion, manipulation, or any other behavior is concerned. Alcoholism truly is something with a Jekyll and Hyde persona.
Thank you, Woopsadaisy for that insight. It helped me alot.
So true hawk. They have to conivnce that ur perception is off so that u will buy into enalbing them - very sick disease. Yes they are delusional and in denial and believe their own BS.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Aloha!! When I arrived at the tables of the face to face Al-Anon Family Groups we use to read the definition of alcoholism and in part that definition talked about how we are affected "we becomes as sick or sicker than the alcoholic because we do not have the anesthesia of alcohol to block out reality. We too affect everyone we come in contact with with this disease." The program repeatedly suggested to me that I focus only upon myself and how I was affected and how I carried that mind, body, spirit and emotional brokeness everywhere I went and with everyone I met. Sounded insane and then it was and the last word of the 2nd of our 12 steps is Sanity. Proof It was, he was and I was crazy and the only part I need to work to ward correcting is the me part.
I used to think that my alcoholic wife did what she did to me on purpose before I learned that alcoholism and the need for recover from it isn't about me at all. I learned how cunning, powerful and baffling the disease of alcoholism is universe wide and that beyond me millions were suffering from it and still the only work I had to do was on me and not others. I learned compassion for them and myself and for my alcoholic wife who I started to see with a different light. She is a child of God, with some very valuable assets...and an alcoholic who has been devestated by alcoholism. I learned that there was a difference between "my wife" and "my alcoholic". Love the person...hate the disease.
I want to clarify something about myself here. When I say my action of being too honest too soon allowed the disease to be manipulative I mean exactly that not the person himself. There is a difference and my lesson is simply that, if i want a true view of someone and how they live their life I can not give out too much info too soon. Might be a little different if I say I don't like to be around or want to be involved in a romantic relationship with someone who eats pickled pigs feet to make life be bearable and they hide the fact that yes upon occasion they do in fact eat pickled pig's feet .... alcohol and the disease of alcoholism is a different thing, cunning and manipulative. Then again if used in the wrong way maybe pickled pig's feet could be too.
I remember a comment made to me by ABF not that long ago, " I tried not to drink in front of you at first because I knew your history". And of course he did, he is very considerate, never mind the problem of abusing alcohol when depressed, or overly happy, and sometimes just because. My point is that i gave the disease the ammo to trick me, sure it could have tried anyway ... we all put our best foot forward upon meeting someone new. But I definitely feel had I held back a little longer I would have seen bigger signs i could not have ignored.
When i think of the fantasy of quit drinking the first time thru treatment I had with my EXAH and life will be just peachy. It makes me wonder, why can't A's have similar fantasies? Well if i hold it together until she loves me she will find a way to deal with it ... or if it is good enough my need for this drink will go away. IMHO those thoughts are no better or worse than mine. Just a different fantasy world.
Thanks for making the thoughts roll around in my head! LOL
