The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been very hard on myself lately. I've also been isolating. I haven't really been connecting with people. I do find myself getting lonely. I'm fed up with my ABF because he still defends a girl that tried to break us up and said such cruel hurtful things to me and threatened me. I try to explain my feelings to him and he doesn't really care. He also seems to think I'm really boring and I don't even know why he is still with me if he feels this way about me. I haven't heard from him and I usually do on Tuesday. I'm sad and am thinking about writing him a letter and bought some cards but am wondering if I should even bother?
We never know what someone else thinks or feels for sure.
I can tell you my esh is I was writing to my estranged husband in prison, dui's. I went and saw him. He never writes me or calls. I wrote a couple letters then did not send them
Something I have done for many years. I just put them somewhere. I believe when we feel we are done, we are. Takes a bit to really know it. But it cools off sortof.
More I would ask you what would make you want someone who you believe thinks you are boring?
We all need to be loved for who we are, warts and all. If someone doesn't feel this way for me, I don't bother with them.
I need people who are not critical, and like me for me. As I do with others.
Sad you are lonely. It will get better. Hungry, angery, lonely, tired? Halt.
Good to hear from you. I'm sorry your feeling so lonely and that its being re enforced by your ABF.
For me loneliness was one of the things that kept me locked into my previous relationship. I isolated and in that isolation I had way too much time to obsess about him and his feelings actions etc etc etc. All my energy went on him, now when I look back I really dont think he gave me that much thought or even saw me at all if you know what I mean. When your feeling this way it is so hard to be positive. Changing the way we feel about ourselves is the only way out of this. Its very hard and I had to really drag myself to meetings, plan things so I wasnt alone even if it meant just going for a walk or to the shops. Little by little I moved forward. I know it sounds like a cliche but try doing something for you, send yourself that card with loads of love in it to YOU. Please forgive me for saying this but he doesnt sound very nice and as we all know As can be so cruel and are unable to love in a healthy way.
Take care of YOU (((((((CJ))))) your worth it.
With love and Gratitude Carol
-- Edited by Mariner on Thursday 10th of September 2009 11:31:44 AM
Aloha CJ...Just a suggestion if you are not yet attending face to face meetings of Al-Anon...Go to the white pages of your telephone book and call the number next to Al-Anon and call it. If you get a live voice...great!! If you get a recording take down the phone numbers, places and times for the meetings in your area and get there as soon as you can. If you don't have a ride you can ask another member for one or do what is necessary to get there. The numbers of relations in your life will increase and there are special people in the program that become our sponsors after we ask who we can meet and talk with whenever the need arises. Being alone, isolating and beating yourself up is toxic self abuse and unnecessary as a choice. It is a choice that can be changed. I use to do it from time to time and I always got worse in this disease. Lots of times I abused myself worse than my alcoholic wife did. Come home.
Thanks for all the replies. I am feeling better today. I still haven't heard from my abf or sent him the cards. I think he is in trouble again because he stopped taking his medication. When I first met him he was flaky but really caring. Or maybe he is always been a bit of a jerk but I'm just seeing that now.
