The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am grateful that my step mother shared the wonderful world of Alanon with me. It is times like this that I feel often directionless, stressed, and pressured to be perfect. I have to make the "right choice." I am blessed with the opportunity to be able to seek new employment and have several options. One will take my husband and I to another state, and one will keep us in the local town where I am comfortable and we have a nice home and neighbors. The job that requires relocation will be the sort of job I have always dreamed about but there is a lot of pressure placed on my husband to find employment.
In my present job, those I supervise are thankless, demanding, and ultimately difficult to manage. Since I am a wonderful Alanon member, I just don't know when to quit and move on. I "let go and let God" and then naturally take it back. I have a lot of pride and ego tied up in this job, and also have a great deal of fear about moving or doing something else. I also don't like to let "them think they made me quit" but honestly I was not going to work for this company forever. I have other dreams. But will miss the community in which I work.
My present problem is that I feel alone and isolated in this decision. As if I have to make the "right choice" and it is scary. Over the past past few months, my immune system allowed for a terrible sinus infection and stomach virus to concurrently house themselves. While my body is healing, the choices remain.
I have a problem with control and being very hard on myself. I want to be able to 1) see the future, 2) be in "control" at all times, and 3) not need others help. I know that by being in Alanon that this is wonderfully messed up thinking and when under stress, I just can't think straight. I have talked to my higher power and reached out, but my mind is still not at ease and I don't have a solution. I lack comfort, security, and very importance nurturance to myself and others.
Why are choices so hard to make when they seem so easy? Why do I put pressure on myself to make the "best" choice? Why do I see change, even some that could be potentially positive, and being stressful?
well your not alone in the fear of making a decission , I think most of us suffer from a tad bit of perfectionism . I would think that if your husb agreed to the move that would be enough for me to give it a shot especially if it is what u have always wanted to do * job wise* . why is change so hard well i think that line Better the devil we know might apply , you don't like your job but u know how to function in it so sometimes we settle . Ask your husb if he is up for the pressure of finding employment . I am sure there is a beautiful house and great neighbours in the city your considering moving to. Is it possible for the two of you to travel to possible job site ,have alook around the city get a feel for the place before making this decission ? I wish u luck on the 3 things on your want list I don't understand why anyone would want to know what the future holds ,what if its a crap day do u just stay in bed / and to be in control welll good luck with that one , there is a cute joke about that , Know how to make God laugh ? tell him your plans for the day . / Didn't u just say u were grateful for Al-Anon how do u do that with out accepting help from others . Me thinks u need to relax , do the footwork and leave the outcome to God . Better yet sit yourself in step 3 and see what happens , seems He dosent have the same tunnel vission we sometimes do . good luck Louise
I get the impression from ur post that ur acoa, I know for me (being acoa) if felt like my issues ran straight through to childhood bc they did. Change is scary, even if we want it. Are u scared of the dream job - is it like a fear of success/fear of failure sort of thing?
I sure know about taking things back too... did that for a while in program but the more u let go, the easier and better it feels. All the manipulating and controlling I used to try and do (remember it is all an illsuion and a waste of time) it didnt get me anywhere and none of us can control anything but us as individuals.
I def understand the, 'Im not going to let them think they won or broke me' but what is the alternative to staying in that kind of "fight" all it does is keep u from ur dream job and stuck with toxic people acting at a lower level. Who cares. Screw them (or not) and do what u really want to.
I was in alanon a very very long time b4 I got the book, 12 steps for adult children and then I was able to work through unresolved emotions and issues using it. Helped immensely bc it spoke to my issues directly.
As abbyal said, having tunnel vision of ur own may not be what god/HP has in mind for you.
When I got busy loving me and getting focused on today, right now this only moment is reality -not tomorrow (which does not exist) and yesterday (which is over) I found a huge freedom and relief and I could then truly be open to the possibilities.
I too was hard on myself and would kick me b4 u got the chance to. I was abusing myself and pereptuating the idea that I did not deserve better -- it is old behavior and it certainly isnt effective... u can be free but u have to surrender the idea that u can control anything or anyone but YOU.
Focus on you and practise to love yourself first and foremost and u will realize that mistakes are how we learn and they are a natural part of growth. The truth is u cant really make a mistake, it is all growth. When I just focused on loving me and quit trying to control anything is when things actually started to work the most effectively and change radically for the good/better than I could have imagined.
Glad u found this board & would love to hear what u end up doing with yourself. Welcome to MIP (((((((MT2U2)))))))
Anything new is scary just bc it is new and different... when I remind msyelf of that it helps.
-- Edited by kitty on Wednesday 9th of September 2009 09:08:02 PM
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Thanks for the comments. You both are right on. Perfectionism ultimately equals insanity for me. God is the one in charge. I struggle with the footwork most of the time. Change is also not easy and it would be just so much easier if HP would just take care of things for me and in the process I KNEW what HP was doing! HA! You are right about relaxing. Step 3 also requires faith and I have to ultimately trust that my path is just where I need to be for now. Acceptance is not easy when upheaval is rampid or looming :(
BTW, your pooches are just too cute!
-- Edited by MyThoughts2U2 on Wednesday 9th of September 2009 09:08:20 PM
-- Edited by MyThoughts2U2 on Wednesday 9th of September 2009 09:09:32 PM
I don't understand why anyone would want to know what the future holds ,what if its a crap day do u just stay in bed / and to be in control welll good luck with that one , there is a cute joke about that , Know how to make God laugh ? tell him your plans for the day . / Didn't u just say u were grateful for Al-Anon how do u do that with out accepting help from others . Me thinks u need to relax , do the footwork and leave the outcome to God . Better yet sit yourself in step 3 and see what happens , seems He dosent have the same tunnel vission we sometimes do . good luck Louise