The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well today was a very slow progress of a day, I did manage to do 3 loads of laundry even tho I have been feeling terrible... I don't know if it was something I ate or what but I have been having belly problems all evenning last night, and most of the day today...
After such a wonderful weekend, it was kind of a bummer for it to end that way...
My Son and I went to our camp, and spend 4days/3 nights with some of our family & friends, my husband stayed home, and normally when he wasn't goin I would stay home as well, OR Dwell on the fact that he wasn't there, but this time it was differant...
I honestly believe that Letin' go & Let'n God has been nothing more then a blessing in my life, I left him to his own choices, and made some of my own..I am new to the whole dive in and do what "I" want thing... Usually I am so overwhelmed tryin to please everyone else that I don't have much time to breathe or enjoy anything that I do... We played ball, soccer, catch, tag, chased the kids around the yard, combed my granddaughters hair... (it to her butt and beautiful) things that I just NEVER make the time to do... It was the best weekend of my summer I believe, and I hated to see it end...
I only keep one daily down there and it is the "One day at a time daily" and it was pretty funny that the post I wrote the other day about my low self esteem was the VERY 1st page I read in the book when I got to camp :)
Here lately it seemed as tho everything I read... out of ANY of my alon/aca books it would talk about step 4... I have been avoiding this step like the plaque... HOWEVER... I was quite pleased with myself that I accually sat down and typed up the START of my Step 4... It was very freeing, and hurtful at the same time...
When I started I put 2 columes on my page, one for Shortcomings, the other for good deeds or possitive things about myself... WELL those 2 columes ended up ALL being Shortcomings, and then the next whole Page was good deeds and possitive things so... I must have been on a roll, BUT...I am so proud of myself for at least getting started...
I honestly believe that I never did it because I knew it would be overwhelming, but when I was left by myself, and I was left in peace and in the calm of my camper with my laptop, I managed to do it.. Just like that... I mostly did one liners... But I want to go back and go into more details and bring out the "Real" power of the 4th step...For now... I just need more time Like I had that day :) it is funny the feelings that over come you when you do something like that... and for me being NEW to the 4th step, well I had to go back 35 years and welp... I have a TON of shortcomings... but I also see that I have a touch of good & wholeness as well...
I am so blessed to be on this journey, I am so blessed to have such a wonderful support system of friends... I honestly didn't think "I" would EVER get to this point but I have... Now... I guess the only thing left is to finish it up, and see if I can't find someone that would like to Sponser me... It is tough for me to find someone at my F2F meetings, only because alot of them are either "Super Buzy" in their own lives, or have not worked the steps fully themselves... and the one I always hoped to have is just not availiable to me for she don't have any electronics to keep up with, and she works full time... I need someone I can jump on and off line with, pick up a phone when ever and what not, and that is not an easy thing to find... But I know that when the time is right, My HP will take me by the hand and lead me to were I am ment to continue my journey... And Honestly, I can't wait to get were I'm heading...
Sooo It has only takin me 9 MONTHS to get to this point but I am so pleased with my self I just don't know what to do next :)... Maybe thats why I'm ill...lol... I realized ALOT about those Shrotcomings that I can honestly say I really didn't think I would remember half of them but shocked myself when I put them down...So here is to new beginnings... One Day at a Time :)
Thanks again Guys... I couldn't have done it without your Help... You all know who you are... ;) And you are all forever in my prayers ;)
What a wonderful job, working the program! When I first did my step 4, I was petrified! I had to do it in "chunks"-
At first, I thought I was a total mess- Then after being in the program for a while and , yes, re-working step 4, I began to see how harsh I had previously been on me- After a few "runs" at it, I began to see good traits- Healthy things! Now step 4 has become sort of a good friend- Keeping me focused on myself and recovery has really turned my life around in so many healthy ways!
I can look at my X AH with gratitude now for the lessons he taught me and if it were not for him, I would not have found the program- Every Friday I pray for him because it was on a Friday that I asked him to leave- I do pray that he, wherever he is, has found his own program!
I am smiling as I read your OH so positive post!
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
