The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am sitting here at my husbands desk on his computer, thinking back over the last several months. Its quiet in the house, just me and the baby (he's 2) are up right now.
For those who don't remember me, my AH passed away from liver and kidney failure at age 36, on May 20 of this year. I haven't been on this site much since then. I don't know why. Nor have I gone to F2F meetings, or read books. It's like I spent so much time reading and writing and crying.... before, that I just couldn't do it.
My daughter (15) is moving forward and doing well. She's in difficult classes in school and has a boyfriend (constantly keeping my eyes on them). But each day she thinks of her daddy. Each moment to be recognized - first day of school, report cards, dances, dates, just coming home to him not here, is a reminder of what he is missing.
The little one doesn't know really, he sees pictures of his Daddy and says Daddy, but he is speech delayed so it's really hard to know what he is thinking. He will never really know his Daddy at all, except through us.
Our oldest started college 2000 miles away a couple weeks ago. He too is moving forward and doing well.
And me, well I am doing pretty good. I think about Jeff everyday. Some days I cry at songs or memories. Other times we laugh. Sometimes it just doesn't seem really. I am seeing a man who was Jeff's friend. We are both trying to not get too deep because we know how much this has hurt me and I need to try and work through the grief process. At the same time, it is hard to not want to be treated well, and loved, because I know I deserve it after all these years.
Well, enough of the babbling for now. I just wanted to re-connect with this group. Hope to see you at some online chats in the future
I wondered what happened to you andi , am so glad to see you back again . You will have a yr of many firsts to get thru , please go back to your meetings for your sake u need support from people who love you unconditionally . Be gentle with your self grieving takes time , your done when your done period . Nice to hear the kids are moving on and continuing school etc. Take time to get to know you before you jump into another relationship ,keep going to your meetings and get the focus back on yourself one more time. EAsy does it Andi , hope to talk to you soon . and again so nice to hear from you again . bye for now Louise
Hi Andica, So glad to see you are back and thank you for the update on your family. I understand taking a leave from alanon I did the same when my husband passed. I am glad you are back. I know that the steps, meetings the literature and a great sponser truly helped me manage my way thru the complicated grieving process.
Please keep coming back
Betty
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 7th of September 2009 07:35:53 PM
Nice to hear from you again.....glad to see kids are moving forward, they too will have those moments.
Girlfriend, take it from me go very slow in your new relationship....I made a horrible mistake, we are so lonely and miss them so much that we don't realize what we need sometimes.
It is two years for me now and I am just finally starting to be able to smile and laugh again.....it takes time....I still find myself having those crying jags once in awhile....sometimes I even find myself staying in bed for the day.
Louise is right you are done when y ou are done......only you know when you are ready to move forward.....on your very own time dear friend....reminders are everywhere..
Aloha Andica that reminds me of trying to handle the grief without others who understood what it was. The fellowship saved my life and my spirit there is, for me, no other solution. Al-Anon and Alateen can help both you and your daughter thru being the abandoned spouse and daughter of an alcoholic. I pray you will arrive at celebration.
Hon 28 years ago I lost my first husband. I still cry when I hear certain music, or when our kids step into a new experience.
I miss his laugh, his sparkly bright eyes, dimples.
Believe me, I am glad you have a manfriend. Also its cool he is a nice guy, as you are a walking wound.
I am 56 now, and I probably cry more about missing and needing him now than ever. As getting older hurts, loniliness is worse and older couples need each other even more.
It's good for your kids to know you still need companianship.
I pushed guys away for 18 years. Now my daughter is 34 with a cool 3 year old boy, has her Fine Arts Degree, certified massage therapist, head baker for a French Restruant spell and more.
But she has never been in love.
My son is a super outdoorsguy 33, is a leadman for a remodel company, has a son, bought his home, is married. But they live separately. She turned out to be A. So he basically kicked her out. But they for a long time now see each other, help each other etc.
So I believe it was me staying single, their widow Grammy being single and their Great Gma being a widow too. Aunt was widowed too.
So they really did not get to live with a woman with a man in the house.
Thank goodness my friends were all married and still are. I know Ed and I would still be married if he had not of died.
So this is what makes me glad you realize you need to be needed and you have love to give too.
My kids losing their dad, and me isolating Has made my daughter unwillling to let herself fall in love.
I can see I really need to try to figure me out right now. I can see I am jumping fast into this new relationship, probably because I have been lonely so long. Much longer than just his death date. I can see myself being the needy person I don't want to be. I have got to figure this out.
