The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi, I just signed up so this is my first post. My father has been fighting all sorts of addictions his whole life. He is on MMT and he continues to drink hard alcohol daily. He has been to rehab 3 times and says he will never go back. I live 30 minutes from my parents house and am at the point where I refuse to go out there unless he goes two weeks without drinking. I used to go there every Saturday and I have two little boys that would take turns staying on the weekends. Everytime I got there he was already drunk (after promising he wouldn't drink) and falling asleep standing up. My mom says she won't stay with him if he keeps drinking but she continues to make up excuses to stay. BTW my Dad has Hepatitus B and C so everyday he does this he is killing his liver. I hope what I'm doing is right? I haven't seen or spoken to him in 2 months. I am so sad, lost and scared and I know he is getting mad at me and I'm waiting for him to freak out on me next! Any advice would be great. If what I'm doing is wrong please tell me. I guess I was hoping he would chose us over alcohol eventhough I know he needs to quit for himself.
You are where you need to be for you....as far as your dad choosing alcohol over you dear girl, if it were that easy there would be no alcoholics......please try and remember it is a disease and until he wants and desires to stay sober there is nothing you can do absolutely nothing.....love has nothing to do with it....
I will pray he jest the help he needs, more importantly I will pray you get help for you.....try and get to a face to face meeting there you will learn how to handle things for you.....after all you have those kids to take care of and hopefullly thru al a non you will get the help and the tools you need....
Aloha Stigirl...Welcome. Here is what so many members do that works wonders. Go to the white pages in your telephone book and look up the phone number for Al-Anon in your area. Call that number to get the meeting places and times and go as soon as you can or if there are Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) meetings that works also but get there and make up your mind to stick with them for as many meetings as you can get to for the first 90 days before making up your mind that the program is a solution. Get literature and read it all. Learn our steps and the traditions that we use to guide us, the slogans and philosophy of recovery and then if that doesn't work for you seek out other solutions. Alcoholism is a very cunning, powerful and baffling disease and it takes many lives every day. I got mine back from following the above suggestions. (((((hugs)))))
Welcome to MIP! Remember the three C's - you didn't cause it, can't cure it, and can't control it. They tell us to learn all we can about alcoholism. They tell us to focus on ourselves. We are truly powerless over alcohol.
Your dad is ill. Alcoholism is a family disease it impacts all the people who love the drinker. I felt all the feelings you mention above I was truley lost and scared, then I found Al anon. I learnt about alcoholism I realised my partner did love me but he was very sick and part of that sickness was denial they carnt get better till they realise they are sick. We can not push them to this awakening all we can do is get are selves better from how this disease is affecting us. I am also a mother and al non has helped me to get better day by day so that this terrible disease does not impact my kids as much as it has me. I hope you keep coming back we have a saying in Al non come to six meetings if its not for you we will give you your misery back. I did not want pain and misery anymore so I kept coming back and today my life is so much better. Hope this helps
I'm glad you are here. There is no easy answer on right or wrong decisions and boundaries. What is most important is knowing you are taking care of yourself. Thank you for sharing and keep coming back.
Hi, Thank you all for your kind words. I feel a little better already. I will try to go to an Al Anon meeting. It's just hard because my husband works 60 hours a week and we have 2 young boys and the closest meeting is 30 minutes from my house. This is important so I will find a way.
Hello and welcome , I hope you consider going t meetings for yourself soon , u need support , by staying away from your dad the only one really hurting is you , he has his booze drink enough of it and he dosent feel anything . In our prog u will learn to accept who he is and love him anyway , as for mom she is an untreated Al-Anon so she continues to stay on the merry go round and hopes one day it will stop on its own . Not gonna happen .Learn all u can about this disease accept who he is ,learn to set boundaries for your relationship with your family , healthy boundaries not ones based on anger . I know its hard to g et to meetings with little ones , but your worth the cost of a sitter once a week , and I am sure a busy mom could use a couple of hrs to herself , to just relax and learn a new way to live . Punishing dad by not going to see him will not * make him see the light * it will only make u feel more guilty and trust me u don' t need it . Louise
