The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
5 years ago today - I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting.
Scared, unsure of why I was going and how in the world could this thing called Al-Anon help me.
I just knew that at that time in my life, I was separated from my husband, he was 6 months sober and I was still miserable, angry and wanting something to change IN ME.
So many of you know my story, but for those of you who don't - I'll give you a little clip of what has happened since that day. . . .
I continued going to those meetings, reading the literature, embraced the Slogans, found a sponsor, working the Steps, Found a God of my understanding that is my VERY best Friend and also found a family in recovery in my f2f meeting and on a couple of recovery web sites. All of these things saved me and introduced me to a thing called SANITY.
My husband and I reconciled. I do believe that for a yr or so - we did have a semi- healthy, recovery marriage. It was a work in progress and life was peaceful.
But the disease of alcoholism and addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful - shortly after Hurricane Rita - he relapsed and stayed in denial about that relapse. And by my God's Grace and with the help of my recovery family - I didn't have to relapse with him.
I used all the tools of the program - learned to stay true to my boundaries and take care of myself - while living with active addiction.
I prayed for my God to allow me to be able to have the peace to walk away - that answer didn't come right away. Finally in November 2008, I felt my God say "You no longer have to live this way, it's time."
If you have kept up with my "saga", you know there have been lots of horrible things since I walked away - the court dates, garnishments for his bills, bankruptcy, loss of my home, vicious rumors he keeps spreading about me, blah, blah, blah - quack, quack, quack -
It's close to a year we have been separated and still no divorce (Louisiana only takes 6 months), another court date on the 14th of this month for his suit for spousal support, and this week he has decided to text our daughters with horrible comments about me and our situation and text me - trying to "make deals" about things. Not calling him the devil - but I know that I can't make a "deal with the devil" - you can't have an agreement with someone who isn't trustworthy.
Without 5 yrs of recovery under my belt, a God of my understanding, the support of my recovery family - I would NOT be able to make it thru all of this.
So I know my life has actually gotten a lot worse on the outside since I walked into my first meeting 5 yrs ago.
BUT MY FRIENDS - if you could feel what I feel on the inside - my chest is relaxed - my stomach doesn't have that knot - my heart actually has that thing we lost - HOPE.
It doesn't matter if my ex never leaves me alone - if he continues to do this for the rest of my life - HE WILL NOT STEAL MY JOY EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!
This disease has lost it's power over me!! I AM HAPPY, JOYOUS AND FREE
I have a good life today - no matter what happens in court, no matter what text messages come across my phone, no matter if I am homeless living in a cardboard box on the side of the road -
My ex and this disease cannot steal what peace, joy and love that this program and the God of my understanding has restored in my soul!
Me and my God are OK - even Better than OK!!
So Happy Recovery Birthday to ME!!!
I am and will always be grateful.
Thanks to each of you for helping me along this journey - it has not been an easy road - but it has been very worth it -
I wouldn't have missed it for the world - for it has given me something priceless - ME!!!!!!!!
HUGS (hope, unity, gratitude and serenity) Rita
__________________ ". . . let the understanding, love and peace of the program grow in you One Day at a Time."
From the Al-Anon Suggested Closing
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
What an amazing story! You are a shining example of how wonderful this program is. CONGRATULATIONS! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! Go out and do something extra special for you. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I was just thinking the other day about how many newcomers are on this board. When I read their stories, I remember where I've been, and then realize I never have to go there again.
To be okay, or happy, even without life being "perfect", well, that was the hope I thought was inconceivable when I first started al-anon. I now know that is not true. I am not quite at the point of Happy, Joyous and Free, but I tell you what, it is on my To Do List and getting closer to being checked off. I see the glimmer now, just waiting for me to walk into the light.
Yes, HAPPY RECOVERY BIRTHDAY! to you and many, many happy returns. Please keep coming back and continuing to share. You are one of the miracles this program promises!
Blessings, Lou
-- Edited by Loupiness on Thursday 3rd of September 2009 09:07:39 AM
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Happy Birthday Rita and welcome to the FIVE YEAR CLUB!
It is so heartwarming to read a positive note to start my day, and to give hope to every newcomer out there. The disease of alcoholism has touched so many lives in so many ways and it is people like you that give away what they have in order to keep it themselves that gives a light to the new person that is looking for help.
CONGRATULATIONS ! ! !
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
Aloha RITA G!! Happy Anniversary!! Yes you have come a loooong way and you're going further as you continue in the program. LOL it makes me laugh and be happy reading your post thinking about how I went thru it and did it. I used the resistence I first had to the program against the court and legal system and that allowed me to work program and think of other consequences I wanted for me. One of the characteristics I had for my 4th step was being oppositional and defiant and then of course was helped to understand that only in some cases, when used in the wrong way, did I get in trouble with it with my HP, myself and others. When I got my value system back oppositional and defiant held me in check less I react and do the next w r o n g thing.
Hold on to your value system and if you haven't fully completed it yet...get it done. Mine even included not answering the phone from callers that I knew would rock my peace of mind and serenity if I answered whenever they came in. Better to pick up when I was program best.
Have a Happy, Happy....I'd go for a M&M softie it was mine...(((((hugs)))))
Mine is on Labor Day I am in the process of packing up the house due to the foreclosure, and I admit that I am not feeling the promises of the program lately. (yep, I started "thinking" again.) The losses due to the disease feel overwhelming lately, but your post reminds me that the spiritual gain of trusting HP, is worth so much more. THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME.
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! 
Go out and do something extra special for you. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. Much love and blessings to you and your family. 
Happy 'Recovery to you!!!!