The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I don't know whether to cry or scream. I just heard someone speak tonight who is in AA. It was like everything he did to other people is exactly what my family did to me. They sabotaged my efforts to go to college or lashed out at me. He told me that the reason they did this was because they were jealous. How could a family profess to love someone and sabotage their life? I cannot fathom for a moment doing that to my children. When you love someone, don't you want them to be successful in life? All the hoops I jumped through thinking I wasn't being a good enough daughter and grand daughter. I feel so betrayed. I hope they can find happiness one day. I won't be around to find out. Plus, I just found out my father never had 'xxxx' cancer! It was all a big lie to make everyone feel sorry for him!!!!!!! How could you do this to your own child???????I'm packing my bags and leaving the state. I will never get out of this mess until I am physically far away from them. I know there are others out in the world like this, but at least I can come home and not have to worry about what's coming around the corner next. I wish you all luck and hope you live life to the fullest.
-- Edited by kissers on Wednesday 2nd of September 2009 09:29:50 PM
-- Edited by canadianguy on Thursday 3rd of September 2009 05:34:25 PM
Thanks for sharing. Reminds me a lot of how I grew up.
How could a family profess to love someone and sabotage their life?
Whenever I ask questions like this I am always told don't try to understand why A's do what they do it's not worth my time. They are selfish and have a disease.
Plus, I just found out my father never had 'xxxx' cancer! It was all a big lie to make everyone feel sorry for him!!!!!!!
I am going through somethign quite similar to this right now. My sons father told me he had cirrosis of the liver. Couldn't work because doc said so blah blah..well now he is working so I asked him well what about what the doctor said?? He just gave me this shitty grin like he was fine.
Later I asked him why do you have to sit and tell me you are dying, why do you want me to feel sorry for you...All he had to say was you know and have known I am sick even before the doc told me..which I kept telling him to see a doctor..
Is he sick or not? I have no clue, but I know that I am not sick. I do not have liver problems. I can't control his health.
I will never get out of this mess until I am physically far away from them.
That is how I felt. I moved out of his house, staying with A mom and A brother about to get my apartment very soon. I guess I just feel some can handle it and some can't. I have dealt with it so long I feel I need a break from it just for today.
-- Edited by canadianguy on Thursday 3rd of September 2009 05:37:22 PM
__________________
"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
Hello kisser , please if your not going to al anon now , go as soon as u can u need support from people who understand and have been where your at . The alcoholics in your life are very sick people I am so sorry you have to go thru this . there is no explaining why people do what they do I doubt if your parents could tell u why . they live in a world neither u or I will ever understand. Please save yorself find meetings and change your life for the better. You don't have to carry this anger and resentment around , it will ruin your life if u don't get help and moving out of the state won't change that . Geographical cures rarley work . Take care of you Louise
I ditto what Abbyal responded with Kissers. I ran (did a geographical) and learned I took the problems with me until I reached the meeting rooms and found my chair and stayed.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Addicts do what they do because they have a disease. It doesn't justify the behavior but it does explain it. I can't tell you how many times my sister has called me complaining about what her husband has done. None of it surprises me. The only way I can respond to her is to say it's because he's an addict.
We have no control over what they do or say. We do have control over how we react to it. The frustrating thing about feelings is that they follow you wherever you go. You have no choice but to take them with you. Yes you can distance yourself from the source of the feelings. That may help for awhile, but it's like applying a bandaid to an infected wound. At some point you have to treat the infection with antibiotics. Alanon is our antibiotic. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I absolutely HAD to cut contact with my mom and sisters.I still have my AH (sober) in my life and unfortunately some A's at work,but I had to cut the contact where I could. I felt it was to save my sanity.I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown if I didn't do it. I couldn't move out of my house at the time and I don't want to change jobs (besides,A's and addicts are everywhere) but I COULD stop talking to them and seeing them.
I let them leave their crazy messages on my answering machine,threaten not to tell me when my mom dies if I don't call them,tell me I will end up all alone and don't bother coming around them.I didn't care.I am better off without them and I will not be coming around them they needn't worry.I'd rather be alone.They assume I will not have a life without them.Well, I do.
My life isn't perfect but looking back it is sooo much better than it was back then. I laugh so much more,I do things I enjoy,I am even starting to buy things for myself,something I hadn't done for years.I have more peace.Some bad days,but I am working on that.
You can do it without leaving the state you just have to make up your mind.
I can totally relate to you wanting to cut all ties and move out of state...I did just that to get away from the insanity of my relationship with my mother. But I learned that no matter where I ran to; one state away or 2,000 miles, my anger and resentment never left because I did nothing to change ME. I found Al Anon last year and, at 41 I finally got peace from my suffering. I used this program to deal with the relationship I was in with my BF, but it helped me the most with my relationship with my mother. i had to just "Let go and let God" and give it all over to my HP. I realized that to stay sane at least in that area, limited contact was best, and it has improved my current relationship with mom. Once I stopped trying so hard to change HER, and concentrated on my reactions and ways to change ME, my life got better all around. i wish you peace.
Yep, I can empathize, as I'm sure most others on here can as well....
One thing about picking up and moving away... there is an old saying:
"wherever I go, there I am", in that you will still have whatever personality traits that YOU currently have, wherever you go..... Al-Anon and our recovery does us good, well after the alcoholic is out of our daily lives.... it's a healthy recovery...
Take care Tom
-- Edited by canadianguy on Thursday 3rd of September 2009 05:38:12 PM
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
