Hello everyone. I want to report some recent progress dealing with my life thanks to Alanon.

This past weekend I went to a wedding where my ex-boyfriend (who accompanied me as my platonic date as we are both friends with the bridal couple) threw me a huge curve ball. He got extremely drunk and started hitting on women from the "singles' table", invited one to dance with him for the first slow dance, and groped some women on the dance floor.

Although we are not dating we have discussed getting back together again and are very close. We have talked about never putting our romances etc. with other people in each others' faces.

Despite being very embarrassed in front of our close mutual friends I am proud of myself for handling this unexpected situation with class and dignity. When quietly asking and texting him to cool fell on deaf ears I chose to stay and enjoy time with my friends. I danced and had a good time. As the designated driver I chose to stay later than we had planned to enjoy the event and am glad I did, despite his needing to get up early the next day.

On the long car ride home I calmly expressed my feelings of disgust and hurt regarding his actions. While I know you shouldn't argue with a drunk person he was starting to sober up a bit and could understand what I was saying. I was able to address the situation in the moment and not stuff my feelings. In subsequent conversations he has acknowledged that his behavior was very wrong and that he has a problem with alcohol.

I am REALLY glad I did this for me. I got it all out and allowed him deal with the emotional fallout, which can also only help him.

While this was an upsetting situation it has NOT knocked me down like it would have in the past because:

1) I didn't let him ruin the wedding for me
2) I addressed the situation as soon as possible and didn't let it fester
3) I didn't provide a soft landing for him by taking on the emotional fallout
4) I realize more than ever that being around him, even as a friend, is simply EXHAUSTING and takes precious energy away from the rest of my life.

I even think this was the impetus I needed to focus more on my own life, problems etc. While I feel detached from him right now I am trying to prepare myself for the other shoe to drop so to speak, i.e. missing him, wanting to go back into denial etc.

I also trying to not say anything I can't back up,  such as breaking off total contact. My shrink made the suggestion that I can always say, "Just for today or this week or this month I need to be alone" which does not lock me into anything and feels more manageable.

I would be interested in other people's experiences. Thanks for letting me share.