The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been on this forum for 7 months and it has helped me so much. but i feel quilty because i dont help others very much at least not recently..im in a different place to the one where i fel like there was no way out, wanted to die, couldnt believe it...trouble is I still cant believe it and it has for some reason become harder to verbalise...i dont think ive got anything to say that others dont put more eloquently..I hope no-one thinks ive taken advantage of advice without giving back..im always thinking about doing so, but it feels like im opening old wounds now if i do..does anyone understand this? I still read everything but I feel like a taker not a giver for which I apologise. Lilly xx
I'll bet you just about every Al-Anon member on this board can relate. I know for me, at least, it's in my sickness that I decide to take on responsibilities that aren't mine - and those sort of things do include feeling guilty about accepting help from others, or not helping enough myself, or imposing myself too much on others...
I have to remember where I am and with whom I am speaking when I start to get those unworthy feelings. YES! I feel guilty calling my sponsor in the middle of the work day. But is that realistic? She is my sponsor and she told me very clearly "call me whenever your butt's on fire!".
I feel bad sometimes when I don't have some sort of magical answer to other people's dilemmas on this board... or even worse, I second-guess myself often about what I've written and feel guilty afterwards, thinking "ooh, maybe I shouldn't have said that..."
We just do the best we can, and we're all here for help and to lend help. I don't feel taken advantage of because I'm a grateful volunteer here.
I too have these moments... I haven't been on in some time, and sometimes that makes it harder for me to just Jump in and give my 2 cents...
I have learned that most are not looking for my insight, most are looking to hear my experiences... My Life Choices when I was in a "Simular" place... that is what I try to do, yes at times it dredges up old memories, but it also reminds me of what I survived... And that makes me proud of who I am....
I am most times HAPPY just to have someone respond, even if just a few words of wisdom, words of encouragement, words of ESH.... Again... this is MY Thought
Take what you like and leave the rest... Hope you can come here and feel safe enough to know that we are all here for one another... And for me... It works if "I" Work it ....
Aloha Lilly....Its about progress not perfection. Some days I do good and some days I'm a nerd. I'm always a child of God and my motives are good even when my words are nerdy (at times). Continued practice of this program builds a ton of confidence. Again give yourself some time.
I visit here daily and for many months never responded to others. I know what your saying. Sometimes I didnt feel right commenting on others situations and often I felt I didnt have anything constructive to offer. I too find it hard to verbalise my feelings but then thats part of my problem I'm only just learning to feel them. Sharing our es&h really does help others and ourselves,it may bring up some painful stuff but thats all part of the process. Dont be so hard on yourself, I know you've had a really tough time.
No need to ever apologize Lilly... our program works both ways, and we all learn from each other... you have taught many others - perhaps more than you know.... In sharing on these issues, we learn from sharing, listening, empathizing, etc.... sometimes we are the "giver", and other times we are the "takers"... there are no scoreboards... :
Tom
p.s. and Jerry is never a nerd
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I believe my big, fat ego gets in the way when I actually think I have the power to help anyone. lol
It is HP who works through me, who actually helps others. I'm just on my journey, practicing honesty, an open mind, and willingness. When I relate to someone's experience, I feel inspired ("in spirit") to offer a suggestion that's worked for me. It may be helpful, and it may not. The outcome is entirely up to HP.
So relax. All is well.
((((hugs))))
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
All I can do is echo what the others have already said. You're right where you need to be. If you feel moved to respond to someone, great! Even if it's simply to say you can relate to what someone else has said, it has value. If you don't feel moved to respond, then that's fine too. No one is keeping score here.
We're glad you're here with us - HP brought you here for you and for the rest of us, at least that's what I'm inclined to believe.
Take what you like and leave the rest - that's the beauty of this program. I know I leave LOT behind (tho not as much as I used to ) and that's OK.
) and that's OK.